done for the night

I can't keep my eyes open so my goals will have to wait.  I have a twist that I am toying with. not sure it's really enough.  need something to happen that's interesting (and gives me a chance to slip in the interesting news casually) no info dumps here

blech. I am so bored.  yawn. i hate talking scenes just for the sake of conveying information.  there is no conflict here. move along...

And for today...

Today it is really important that I get my 250 words.  

I have this habit of going along but then sort of petering out as it gets hard.

250 words would be a great addition.

Next scene should be fairly easy because she just to see how the world has changed for everyone around her and learn a few key details.

Conflict?? hmm... that is a good question.  It's definitely the missing piece and fear just isn't conflict.  Need some sort of antagonist and some sort of twist.

So goals:

~250 new words in next, unwritten scene

~Determine conflict, antagonist and twist for that scene

+1027 words, new total 78,884

78,884 (+1027) (about 233 printed pages)

I was able to add some more to the scene to just really sink my MC up to her neck. She is already trying to figure out what to do.  Totally too soon. I think I should just leave her... yup, one sec... ok, that's fixed now. she's just lost.  creek/no paddle = happy writer.

really don't know how she will get out of it either.  just vague notions.

this is such an interesting job.

So the scene is solid but a little creepy [i know my actual first readers will not like that].  and not quite right. Not sure whether it's the "liveable" not right or the "pull story off-course" not right. It's tied in with a whole plot thread that I am unsure about.  And of course, because I have kept it thus far, scenes keep building on that understanding, as per "duh" it gets more and more difficult to remove.  This is where the benefit of an actual first reader would come in handy.  

Scene is also short.  I added 686 words so far tonight, all in that scene.  So I will need to figure out what's next to complete my goals for today.  

Actually I only need 64 more words.  I suppose I can make that happen fairly quickly.

And for today...

And so, goals for today.  I would like to make up my word counts for the past couple days. I would really like to get past the most recent--of a very long/never-ending string--of scenes in a way that makes me happy.  Yes, all the scenes are going to be toughies right until the end, I'm afraid.  But it's really worth it considering how much I love it once it's on the paper.

(in self defense, I love it in rough draft/and because I'm so excited, not because it's perfect.  Perfect never finishes, after all.

Goals:

~Write next scene in rough-draft satisfying way [UPDATE: DONE]

~End up with at least 750 new words. [UPDATE: DONE]

That's all the goals I am allowed for today.  

Sun and Mon

Somehow Sunday I got about 61 words but I don't remember writing them (must have been re-reading and adding a few words here and there).  Monday I did not write at all (too much real life going on). 

I have done some brainstorming which led me to realize that the 54 words I had already on the next scene won't work where it is.  I can probably use it later so I'm not going to cut them just yet.  Still + 61 - 54 = blah

It is funny how quickly magic turns to drudge. 

and before I forget

Last scene I was really reluctant not to get my MC out of trouble immediately.  It's the perfect setup to put her in danger.  And once again, I want to have someone make sure she knows that there's no danger.  

Instead do i not only want her to be in danger, I want her to know she's in danger. 

And this is just the beginning.

Why do I keep trying to reassure her?  Stupid writer/stupid writer.

Must remember tomorrow to ratchet up the danger not take it down [GAH!!].  Hello!! Freaking end around the corner [duh!!]

riding the rails

Wow, this is the kind of writing night that's just magical.  

I ended up having to cut a lot of material, about 1500 words.  Actually I updated FOUR SCENES. And now they are what Muse-Me imagined the scenes could be and what my mind's eye envisioned when I first sparked on a glimmer of the scenes.  I'm in a little bit of happy shock to be honest. 

I could not move the story forward but more importantly, the story is now back on track.  It makes me really happy that I could make that happen in one night.  And although I am not beyond where I was before, I did end up with 358 new words [goal met!!]     New total: 77,796

Now I have a comfortable spirit for moving the story forward another scene.  No more reluctance because things just weren't right.  But I know already that tomorrow is going to be another difficult scene to get into and figure out how to handle correctly.

It's an odd thing really. I know where I want to go/what the scenes are about. But the details can still be a mystery and yet they are the most important thing.  They add weight to the story and if they're out of balance or if they lean in the wrong direction they just start pulling everything off course, drifting me away from my dream story.

But, tonight at least, it's wonderful to cross so many scenes off my outline as good and truly done.

+225 words already

Part 1 of my goals for today is done. I was able to increase the reward for their little adventure and I have 225 new words.  very happy. :)  

Next I need to fix the two later scenes that were so off.  Make people's actions fits in more with how I thought the scene would go and just be a little "quieter" while ratcheting up some danger points.  

Today's goal

I identified what was off: my reader (one of many "me's" that is working on story, i love that i can be schizophrenic) is not buying the whole "let's just wander around and get in trouble and everyone else.  the place is way too fortified.

I need to:

~increase character motivation to take the risk/go in there [so that anyone would make same decision]  UPDATE: DONE

~increase payoff once they're in there [so that something was earned instead of being a dumb decision through and through].  UPDATE: DONE

Today:

~update scenes with above changes/or more likely, add notes UPDATE: DONE

~get my 250 words  UPDATE: DONE

I have until 9pm to do it so that is a nice cushion of time too :)

77,438 (+278)

Made my quota for the day.  Plot is moving in the correct direction but the past two scenes just feel off to me.  They'll certainly need a rewrite but more than the normal rough draft needs a rewrite. No one is acting correctly: people are a little too mad, a little too loud.  It doesn't feel right. 

77,160 (+1015)

ok, time for bed but yay, another scene :)

back on track

ok, so i just wasted AN HOUR [!!]  of precious writing time responding to the post.  no, no: i don't mean i was upset or anything. but just writing thoughtful response.  but oh my precious word count.  

so 30 mins to do 250 words.  yeah, well, we'll see.  sounds like 'word war' time :)

UPDATE: yeah, it just didn't happen today.  i can't work any later tonight so tomorrow i will get back on track.

blah

so apparently I take offense to people way too fast. i have the thinest skin available.  and so now i'm all 'off' about writing tonight. serves me right for checking that stupid forum anyway.  

need to get back in a good place where i'm not feeling all judged and misunderstood.  

[stupid people]    well, i feel better anyway

wah

So about yesterday... (and goals for today)

First to clear the air:  Yesterday was really not my fault.  I didn't bail. I am still committed.  I had to go in on my day off to help with some training.  And then there was a dinner afterward.  I had fun, lots of laughs.  but this was in the back of my head. how much I wanted to be home getting the next 250 words.  it just wasn't something i really felt i could decline.  it was good that i went.  just hard on my daily commitment (and because I was in training all day, I couldn't even think about the project which is hard too.  I love spending the little vacation between calls thinking about the story and what I want to happen and figure out backstory and all of that stuff I usually have time for, squeezed into the free moments of my normal day.

So on to today, still had a half day of training. but then I went back to my desk.  I didn't have a lot of time to brainstorm today. but I still got some good stuff. Some goals for the next few scenes and things I don't want to forget to include or reveal.  I feel like I am in a good place today.

Only have an hour and half. I would like to get 500 words to make up for yesterday.  But if not, I'll take 250 and call it good and make up Monday's work tomorrow.

So now that I have my goal, on to my fiction!  :)

goal met +370 words

and next mini scene accomplished.  Today I have added a total of 370 words. My new total is 76,145 

more importantly, the story has moved forward!

the meeting has adjourned :)

Update, update, update.  

The scene is completed.  

time to celebrate.  

but my word count is only 122 words after all that.

i never thought 250 words would be so hard to come by.  but i am so excited. the scene is perfect [and i mean perfect in the rough draft sense of the word] me is very happy right now.

Now to get 128 words blending in the scene I just finished with the scene I started this morning and I'll call that an incredible day.

Rebuilding the scene

So I took away the scene completely -1395 and i've been rebuilding it.  And (see previous post). stuck stuck stuck.

But the part I can keep is 555 words which technically means I have written my quota.  But you know, there's the little matter of the other 500 words I took away plus the 250 I was supposed to add today.  Cause you know, I was only supposed to add. I was NOT supposed to go back. But I couldn't help it. It was wrong and I didn't understand why they were saying what they were saying other than it was convenient for my MC.  And I'm just going to have to rewrite it all later. So might as well get it over with.

So the 555 words I did: those are good for rough draft.  I will make that a separate, very short pre-scene (maybe merge it later). But no going back and changing it anymore.

I'm going to go eat some lunch and think about other things.  And then try for 250 words on the next part of the scene.

UPDATE: Actually I wrote 233 words of the next scene already.  Don't know whether I can keep them.  Writing those is what forced me to go back and fix the previous scene and figure out what really happened.

So just need to make up the rest of the scene I had to redo.  And brain was playing with the idea of an actual clandestine meeting and what would force the two characters to keep their relationship a secret from the main antagonist. and what would also force them to not only keep it a secret but work to... [yeah i haven't figured out what exactly they are trying to do that would oppose main antagonist. ]

Clandestine meeting is keeping secrets from me too

Can't seem to get in the head of my next two antagonists.  They need to carry on a conversation while MC is hiding.  

* Conversation needs to be real (not an "as you know, bob" conversation).  

* They need to have a reason to meet in that room.  So location needs to be important for the conversation.  

* There needs to be a reason why they are meeting in secret. 

Why are they there?  What did they need to tell each other? 

What secrets would they naturally reveal?  And why is this a secret meeting?  What are they hiding from everyone else?

Why are they working together?

YUP, it's settled. I do not like reveal scenes.  they are clunky and it's hard to decide what should be revealed and what's natural and keep track of who knows what and who suspects what.

gah.  

yuck

250 words, 250 words.  I can do that at least, can't I?

Goals for today/ goals for my writing

Ok, so still thrilled about yesterday but I want to make sure that I am refocused for today.  I only have to do 250 words today.  That is all.  The only requirement is that it moves the story forward in some way (I can't go back and add sentences to previous scenes.  If I want to do that, it's only after I've finished my writing session with at least 250 new words).  So this is great.

And the latest I will be finished is February.

And I'm dying to know what that would be on book 2: 

Give myself 2 months to plan.  This is way over-generous considering I already know the plot, I just need my sign post list.  But I want to do a real HTTS preparation for it so I don't know how long that will take me. I think a month at the most.  

110,000 words,  250wds/day = 440 days.  250 words is about 2 paragraphs. I don't see why I need to allow any days off since I should always be able to get that and more.  If something comes up so that for whatever reason I can't write a couple paragraphs on a napkin [!!], well, 1 day off won't even be noticeable. (Or I should clarify that having the goal be 250 words/day IS the build in buffer for any missed days).

440 days / 30 = 14.6 months or 15 months.

15 months + 2 months  = 17 months or 1.5 years.

So book 1  is finished in February 2011

Book 2 preplanning is finished April 2011

Book 2 writing is finished July 2012.  Birthday month, Yay me. :)

I'm a little shocked that 250 words/day allows you to write a book in 1.5 years.  I thought it would be 3 years at least.  

So time to re-focus on today's work.  [ok, so why do I need the hyphen?  Does anyone have trouble with refocus?  I keep seeing people put hyphens EVERY time they use the 're' prefix]

anyway, I was talking about focusing on today's words.  So for today, I need 250 words, couple of paragraphs, that move the story forward.

1856 words today. new total: 75,875

made my 250 for today and then some. and really happy with the scene I got.  [I wrote a whole scene, yay].  And it should lead the reader slightly uneasily down the MC's path.  Sort of that nagging feeling that something isn't right.  And just so they don't feel like I haven't noticed, I have the minor MC saying "this ain't right... i just want to say "I told you so now" in case I don't have a chance to later".    Well it'll be interesting to see what my first reader makes of it later.  Hopefully I have the reader slightly off balance but feeling a little unsure about whether they should be.  

I'm just so happy that it worked out the way I had wanted so much. The minor antagonist and the MC both got something they really wanted. enough so that maybe MC and reader think, "well, maybe it's not what I think."  and the MC actually was used for the distraction that the antagonist needed.  His plan is more devious than I had even quite understood before.  and I like it.  and he even stays sort of ambiguous for future scenes too.  And I liked him. He's sort of debonair.  

Not sure whether I am handling the little bits of info about the plague very well though.  But it can be ironed out hopefully in future scenes.  or fixed up in revision.

what a very satisfying writing day.  

74,567 (and some book math)

Did some book math today.  Very depressing.
74,679 done out of 120000. Leaves 45321 250/day = 182 days = 6 months = Feb

(I don't really know about the 120 vs 100 but I am trying to plan for worst case scenario.)

My latest hypothesis is that I keep failing at my deadlines because I get so excited, try to rush it, end up making it too hard, and then I sabotage myself because there is no way I can succeed. 

Therefore, from this point until I am done, I will do 250 words/day.

This should be very easy to do.

UPDATE: just re-reading that... February?  no, say it ain't so!

Timer

I watched "Timer" today.  I mean, I actually watched it.  

Usually I am in writer brain: why did the author decide to do this and not that.  Why didn't they do this.  You know what would have been better... If only they'd just done this... at this point.  Wouldn't it have been cool if.

Nope, I didn't do any of that.  The storyline was unique-> to me.  I have no idea, maybe it's been done before but I haven't seen it.  I was so caught up in this take on fate and true love.  I knew how it would end but I really enjoyed the process the MC went through.

I recommend it. something a little different than every other movie I've seen. maybe you agree...?

Good antagonist plotting today

All day today at work I made progress. It's not that I don't work at work but there are minutes between things when I can think and plan and plot. And it went really well.

Very exciting.  So many holes left to fill.

And this is not like lightning news, it's duh news. But the key was letting my antagonist have the story line he needed not the one the story needed.  But once I figure out all this stuff and fill in all his holes, I can still save a lot of his scenes (or more accurately all of them, but I don't want to jinx it).

very nice benefit- a couple of the scenes that were affected by the changes: they were aspects that were bugging me already. not 3 alarm but just a quiet nagging that it didn't quite make sense.  And now they make more sense and they tie into the story better.

Now so many holes still left to fill but I only have a half hour tonight.  But I AM counting all the time I put in at work.  Solid, solid progress.  Yay

UPDATE: so only 15 mins left and NO i didn't get out my notebook. I futzed around looking at online stuff. curses the online stuff.  So 15 mins is enough time review what I have and thinks some more.  And onward.   I have my notebook and my pen out.  

yeah it's really not going well. but at least i'm here.

my antagonist is just too convenient.  and it doesn't make sense. not sure why i keep calling him antagonist. He's the deus ex machina that will solve everything.

Bah, double bah.  humbug

yeah, i'll face it. this is one of those times when i know i should be finding something else to do with my life. cause this ain't it.  just what else would i do.  

i force myself to be here only every so often.

it's supposed to be fun.  This story is supposed to be for me- only me.  So therefore what do I think the guy's motive is? and is he good or bad or undecided? 

so far, 650 throwaway words.  Trying to figure out antagonist's motives.  Not making any sense at all how he got there, why he did it in the first place. (I'm having him explain it to my protag.)  How annoying. This scene is just not going to work like this.

So how exciting is this?

I'm here, I showed up. It's only 7:20.

So the goal for today: Write the damn scene.
Make sure the antagonist's motive makes sense (why is he there, why does he help them, what's his plan pretty much)

But even if that doesn't make sense, just leave it and keep going.  He's there.  Run with it and figure it out later. 

Cause I want to be one scene closer to the end by the time today's writing session is over.

And it's 7:20pm which means I have some time to make it happen.

The Plan

Today I just want to dream about the future. And what it will be like to have the novel finished and the plot complete. The novel has surprised me so much already that I know there are many twists and turns waiting for me. And how will it be-how awesome—if they twist together in a whole form. An actual novel with a beginning, middle and end. Something to be proud of. Something I can polish until it shines. And something I can sell and actually have it be bought and published and put a nice hard cover with a spine around my words. What would that be like?

I have so many dreams about it. idealistic sure but they keep me going.

And what about this next scene. I have avoided writing. I have watched TV, I have done anything that didn’t involve sitting alone with the computer struggling with how to make it work and to figure out the all important WHY. Motives.

Motives have been hounding the end of my book.

It’s got such an odd shape, my book. Not sure whether it’s allowed. But the one people use seems so formulaic. Create an issue, allow them to solve it but the solving it makes everything worse. But everyone does that sort of escalating story. But my story is more of a journey and my MC is never in any danger. She’s just wandering around discovering things about the world and her past and her people. But she has nothing at stake, other than to stay hidden until the next book. So is the journey interesting to anyone else? and is it possible to add in the stakes later?

Are they required?

So back to dreaming… about being done and having space from what the story actually is, not from how it exists in my mind. Space enough to figure out what needs to be fixed, has to be fixed, and how to fix it.

So I guess it’s time to recommit to this again. to not be afraid to show up and stare at the blinking cursor. There is a story there and stories can be fixed. The rough draft can be horribly bad, it just needs to be finished.

So I’m recommitted so that I have something to show for all this work some day. So the math isn’t so good but that’s okay, math has never been my friend. I just need to start showing up more often. And somehow stay off the web at work. and stop re-reading how other people did it. I know how they did it—they showed up and they fought their way through it.

Ok, so until it’s done… I need to show up. every day. I need to post my intentions every day. even if it’s just in a journal entry, not on the blog. And I need to fight to meet those intentions every day.

So today I just have time to smack myself around for losing today to a TV festival. Not cool.

Tomorrow it’s time to focus again. Start writing a scene every day. or at least struggle with a scene every day.

So unti tomorrow... I can't wait to post tomorrow. And to actually give myself time to focus on the next scene. Always it should be about The Next Scene.

just 300 words but what a difference

You wouldn't think 304 words would be a big deal. 

So my solution to the acquaintance issue:  lower the risk so that he would choose to help them.  he now helps them with a chuckle. it's no big deal because all the good stuff is locked up. [PROBLEM SOLVED and SCENE]

now on to the other issue.  Where do they run into the minor antagonist and why does he help them?

i shall put that off for tomorrow.  

new word count is 74,019 

scenes to go: about 25

Protag has it way too easy... :(

I love Holly’s courses “How to revise your novel”/”How to think sideways”.  

My big complaint is I paid for the course but I still have to wait for them to be delivered: 1 lesson per week.  What a big gip.  I want them NOW, damn it.  I don’t get why they can’t just be unlocked... seriously.[!!]..

The courses are great.  I actually get more out of the revision course.  But then it might be because I've already done so much of the writing portion of the novel that I'm just not able to use that stuff yet.  Whereas the revision course is all about 'what to do with what you've got, now you've got it..."

I wish I was done writing.  

Antagonists are figured out finally.  I was able to use HTTS method for that.  Lesson 5 dots and lines.  My "me" doesn't get why it worked but it did... :)

So now I am dealing with all these handouts laid at my protag's doorstep in the next 2 scenes.  Not good. I don't want to write any of that stuff cause then I'll just have to edit out and replace later.

It's stalling the process so I need to figure it out.

Although it's nice.  my word count hasn't changed much [73,715] but ->story progress  over the past several months?  I'm still really happy with it.

antagonist: figured out

scenes to the end: sketched out

and HTRYN to make it matter to the reader once I'm done.  Reading the lessons (but not able to do any of it yet) has made me really hopeful.  Wonder if that will last once i'm actually trying to do it... can't wait.

Yah, so as i was saying, plotting problems... it's standing between me and moving my story forward.  :-(