freedom to write

Okay, this is nice. I'd forgotten- I'm free here. I can write as much as I want. No one can get annoyed or stop me because no one visits. :D

Ahh, the freedom.

Anywho... that's it.

So exciting- had to tell my sis to wait two hours because I am writing right now!
Put my phone on Do Not Disturb.

I will conquer this thing, the inertia. I will make myself worthy. I am a writer, professional author.
Time to start acting like one. Time to get excited, get things published, be who I was made to be.

Be worthy of it.

Miss you

Even without publishing anything, my stories made 3k this year. That's pretty awesome. The effort is done, but yet the earnings continue. :)

I'm really so happy and grateful about that.

None of my plans for my writing worked out this year. However, I am at a pretty great job with lots of opportunity, that barely sucks, and I feel so lucky. Finally, life doesn't suck; it's not torture. It just is what it is.

On the downside, I'm not writing. Sporadically, yes, but most of the time, I do something else. I'm trying a new thing where my first assignment each day is to write. Which means, today, I am getting in my 2 hours.

[Also, two hours is all I need to do. No more trying to put in eight hours. Two hours is plenty. Then I go on to do other things.] Maybe I will show up every day if I keep the commitment limited and reasonable.

I feel like there was something else I was going to say?  Oh yeah, writing this genre is not for me. Oh, do I hate it. I just need to do it anyway though. Suck it up. I will get to write my favorite genre next.

Assignments for today:
Sort of boring to write this here.... Spend 2 hours working on the project, one foot in front of the other. Just get the thing done.


And yes, the miss you reference is a whole different thing. It's just a marker for a cryptic struggle that I am going through. It torments me in misery. I can't stop thinking about it.

I'm sure the first he will hear of it, he will be so confused. Because I will start at the end and he will have no idea how it started. Or how much it took to get here.

Trying again.

LOL- apparently, I want to try this again.

Okay, #3 is done. Working on #4 now. Time to focus.
Stop thinking about the past. The future is bright and shiny.

Life reboot

Okay, I need a life timeout and a reboot. Life has been hard, yo!

Anyway, depression has kicked me in the ass with no discernible cause. I'm tired all the time (which could also be diet). But I'm too depressed to cook. It's a vicious cycle I'm too tired to fight.

One thing I can fight is focus on the writing. Even if I don't feel like it, get the words in.

Goals for the day:

• Get my notes synched up from various sources. DONE
• Complete the outline. Just close enough. Just DO IT!

Also, I really need to be okay with being alone in the writing and life journey. Stop trying to find validation. I am a square peg and all I find are round holes.

That's okay, life goes on. I want to hit publish again so much. I want that validation.

I'll update as I go through the day...

More of the same

It's weird. No, it's sad. I am such a waste of space. So depressed.

Can I have a do-over?

Well, it's clear: I'm pretending to it but it isn't true, despite the signs. They are lies and I need to move on, pull back, live my life.

Now--> on to the story that just won't end or die.

I need to stop letting perfectionism get in my way. I need to show up every day and just get through the scenes until they're done.

They can totally suck. Isn't that the lesson I always try to remember?

***
Let me see where I am- I'm at the end of the 1st third. We've taken off for adventure. Time to go

pushing on

I need to clear my head. Life is rough. I really want to get everything to a good place again.
This means pushing through to the end, even if I don't feel like it.

There are a few things I'd rather be doing right now, which is why I'm getting the cravings to do something else.

Let me shut all that down now. Focus on getting onto the new things.

Assignments for today

Don't let it ruin your life. PLEASE. It's not that big of a deal. Let it go and move on.

Assignments:

• Finalize all existing scenes to rough draft.
• Fill in missing scenes to get them to the next part.
• Move on and let the beginning go. GET TO THE END!!

Also, I'm all done helping and hanging out. It didn't work out. Time to let it go, completely.

Never invited...

hurt feelings; sad face

Ohh, my feelings are hurt, but unfortunately, I let it show. It's so sad that I do that to myself again and again. I wish I could go back in time. Life is so hard. I'm miserable.

they just whispered their invitation to each other, excluding me specifically.

I shall cry later.

Need to get my writing done.

The writing is for me and no one else (which is a laugh since I don't like the story/genre at all. But I write the story so that I can get out of this place in my life. Where I can move to making connections that are positive for me.

I don't want to be stuck in this negative loop anymore. I want to be free and happy, independent, and able to say f*&@ it to them all.

Time to win.

***

Actually, I'll put a wonderful spin on this. It's rare to be able to write stories, to have any hope of breaking free of the rat race. I need to concentrate on that. This comes easy to me and it's worth lots of money, potentially so much money once I get a bunch published.

Time to step back from all the expectations and get this story done!!!

Shoop, shoop.

I really need space to think this through. It was a bad lunch, life is chaotic, things happen.

reboot...

Okay, time to think about being a writer again. So strange. It's been a nice, long, life-changing time for me, and I'm having trouble making it back to the person who needs to write. I've always been more of a 'like to have written' than a 'like to write' writer. ...except maybe when I was a kid.