You lose a lot but win a few more- New total 47,909

• Thurs, 11/19: 47,713 (1067)
• Sat, 11/21: 46,112 (-1601)
• Sun, 11/22: 47,909 (1797/196)

So it's not great when you have to cut a scene, especially one that you were really excited about.  But I finally came to the realization that it just wasn't taking the story in the right direction.  I cut it, slashed it.  My project went down to 46,112.  This late realization meant I lost 2 days struggling to make it work. So not only lost words but also the progress I might have had yesterday.  The one positive thing is that I've realized some things about my secondary characters and how things will probably shake out in the final chapters.  And since it's now sort of a second draft, it's actually better thought out than it was before and I can start to place some hints about how my characters will behave later in the story.

Well, I'm not thrilled about the writing itself [!!!] but it's the best feeling to have progress again.  I just wish I could break 50K already.  Three days of lots of planning and thinking and writing but only 200 words shook out as true progress.  Lesson learned.  I have to trust the Muse but also not waste too much time trying to make it work. Maybe after I've written a few books, I will become more creative and learn how to make changes work but right now, I know too much how I want the story to flesh out to allow the story to completely go into left field.  And the only way I could have brought it back was impossible based on how everyone else stands. It just wouldn't have worked unless I had all my secondary characters become stupid idiots.  Again, as I get better at writing, I might learn how to be more flexible with the storyline but right now, it just is what it is and I have to trust that original idea and the larger purpose of what I want to accomplish with my little opus.

Puzzling out the plot updates

I am still not sure how everything works out but I needed a mental break.  Plotting/struggling is so draining.  Rewarding and fun too but a lot of work.

Trying to figure out how to make everything fit together again--make the puzzle capable of being whole again--is interesting today.  I had to take a step back and look at the big picture and it reminded me of how close [thisclose] to getting to the bigger story behind this world, meeting the true baddies in the story. 

But I have to figure out The Plan better. I mean, everyone's plans.  I know overall but the baby step of why they made this particular decision, why everyone has conspired to bring the MC to this place in the world.  Hmmm. I don't quite understand it yet.  And it has to make sense or else it will just be one of those frustrating [what a piece of crap] stories that I refuse to write.  

And who the heck knows what?? And who is hiding what from whom?? The questions go on and on.  

I don't understand it. So many writers love The Questions.  I hate The Questions. I want to know The Answers already so I can get on with The Story.  It's such a pause.  I don't want to.... waah.  I am jealous that so many people are so much more creative than I am... Free to follow the questions down the rabbit hole.  I will practice though. I will get better.

It's nice to blog. I really needed a breather.

UPDATE: Bummer, I just can't go back to it. I'm just fried on deciding why people did what and trying to make it work.  Maybe I'll switch mediums for awhile and write in my notebook.

(words ~1500, although they don't really count as writing progress)

Working out the aftermath of "Dinner"...

I didn't get a lot of sleep last night. I actually lost sleep twistin' and turnin' and dwellin' about the day job and how I was going to prove what was really happening.  Then, like magic, it was resolved: I--and my group--were vindicated.  Me is happy.  Now, of course(!!), come to find out this other department has also messed up something else and guess which group gets to fix it?  Yes, you would be right.  I have learned that we, the wronged, slandered party, gets to fix it next week. 

OK, so vent over.  Promise. I am putting it out of my head and moving into that wonderful place that I like to spend time thinking about....

All right, this is much better.  I was going to blog my way through my concerns about my last scene but instead I am going to switch to freewriting and work it out on 'my own time'.  [cut] [paste].  :)  There, that's better.  I loved the scene, warts and all, but so twisty.  And it's rippling out over everything.  All my planned plot stuff/character/big scenes.    So I wil be figuring out the impact for the next couple of hours.  Figuring out how to approach the ripples and .... sounds weird in a Muse project... but control them/make them fit in with the plan or make a new plan.  etc, etc.  Oops better get started, instead of spending this time talking about what I plan to do.   LOL.

And most important, I must write.  I've been loving the progress the past few days.  If there's not time, there's not time.  But [big smile]  it's so nice to have some forward momentum in the "dreaded middle" of WIP.  Even with this twisty, I still feel that pull to move forward with the story. 

[my concern still, in the back of my head, is how will i accomplish everything i want to in the story. there just isn't time.  It will work, it will work.]   QUIT STALLING/QUIT GABBING/WRITE ALREADY!!

Updated count- 47,713 (1067)

I had a successful writing day today.  And wow, what a twisty showed up.  Complete law of unintended consequence occurred.  It just... I am shocked and worried and excited. I have no idea of the impact of this but I just couldn't let my main character get away with making a very  public, very stupid decision.  But now all of a sudden all of the other characters are drawing up on sides around her and they're not all falling the way I thought they would.  It's shocking to me.  1 person was a duh. But the other two! WOW, I had no idea. But it's perfect.  For one character, it just would have been against her heart to support my main character.  So now my main character is standing alone, under scrutiny, and without the person who might have been her best friend.  Boy, I feel bad for her.  Of course she has a couple of people that are standing with her.  It's just so interesting.  

What a great scene.  How the heck is she going to get out of this? no idea.  But it is now a black, ominous cloud hanging over her head, over the whole rest of the journey.  I love it, I love it.  I hope I can make it work!  

1067 words bringing the total to 47,713.

The hidden godsend that is blogging... (I know, I know, I've always been a slow learner)

I was dwelling on work again this morning.  It led me to think about the fact that I am truly a dweller.  And I assume it must be pretty common in writers...?

Well, here's my assumption(s) that may or may not be true:

* Writers tend to be introverted

~It just goes with the nature of writing.  All those long hours willing to spend with just yourself and your imagination.

~We aren't in the center of things, stirring up trouble; instead we're watching things unfold from the outskirts, taking notes, so to speak.

I wonder if there are many extroverts that actually spend all that time writing their story/committing their imaginations to paper/actually sitting in a room all by themselves instead of being with people?  Maybe they're the verbal storytellers that are over there weaving fanciful stories for their younger sister.  Maybe there are actually extroverted writers but I don't really know any writers and so I am coming to the exact wrong conclusion (because ignorance is bliss and my normal state of being)....

It doesn't matter.  I just wish that I didn't dwell, that I could immediately get back into my story world, without having to put the day's events behind me first.

I was against the blogging concept for me at first because I thought I would work on this instead of the story.  Which is BAD and I already did too much of.  But instead it's been a great way to get the real world behind me and rev myself up to go back into story mode.  It centers my mind, gets me excited to write again.  

So, what is up with my scene from yesterday? It's not that every scene is wonderful and perfect but it's the first scene where I'm not sure whether it's going to fly/ that has the ugh/I don't think so factor in it.  

But I'm liking my Nano goal- 2 hours a day, 5 days a week.  I have failed miserably and allowed life and TV to prevent me from winning.  But it's definitely something that will be my new daily habit. My new year round Nano.  

The plus side is this should train my Muse to show up.  It's supposed to get easier, the more you do it, to get back into the story.  And if I'm stuck, I have to remember to take a step back and plan.  As soon as I did that the other day (Saturday actually) I came up with a couple of scenes.  And as I was writing the first of them, it has turned into/pointed to several (absolutely plenty for the Journey chapter).  Actually too many.  Which brings me to my next thought...

My book is too long. 

I decided though.  I'm not cutting anything out, I'm not rushing ahead if there's actual story to tell.  I'm going to tell the whole story, make sure that something is happening, someone is learning something or etc.  and I'll analyze it later, after it's set awhile and after I've taken Holly Lisle's revision course next year.  And then, after it looks beautiful to me, I'll send it to my first reader and see if she's swept into it or she can't force herself to read the next page.  

And so far (I am way too close to it to be objective) but so far, I love what's happening.  I don't know my characters well enough (at least some of the characters) but that should resolve itself as I spend time with them.  I have finally grasped the fact that my MC absolutely has to be 2 years older but that can resolve itself in revisions too.  I'm letting story be what it is.  I'm going to tell the WHOLE story and worry about the length or whether it's a series after I've actually reached the end.  Maybe I'll be able to jump a few years ahead in awhile.  That was the plan, it just hasn't happened yet... my muse isn't ready for it to happen yet.

So tonight,  I'm going to grab something to eat and then set the magical timer, take a deep breath, blank out my mind, and into the story I go...

Updated count: 46,646 (1677)

1182:  Well, I definitely made my goal today.  ...I forgot about the timer...I guess I'm not done yet. Oops- 22 mins left.  I reached the end of my scene but must continue...!!! It's the only way I will build up these writing muscles.

UPDATE: not sure how I feel about the content but it was what I wanted to have happen. But there may be a factor of "no, I don't think so" to it.  (It's part of their culture so I'll have to see how I feel about it once I have a bigger picture painted).  New total: 1677

Oy vey... moving on and past the real world to get into the one I actually WANT to think about

I do not care how I'm supposed to spell it.  I am vetching about work.  Ergg.  Work makes me so mad.  I need to get past it and focus on the story again.  

On another topic... yesterday it was interesting that I was able to get into story again but then my work was interrupted a couple of times. When I have writer's block, I have hours and hours of interrupted time that I could spend in front of my laptop.  BUT, as soon as I am writing away, with tons left to add, and story calling me forward, and Muse dropping wonderful next turns on me, I get pulled away, I run out of time.  Right now my question is: why can't the Muse show up on a Saturday and on that day, when she does show up, have no one need me to do anything productive all day.  I'll take tonight too.  I would like to move on tonight from my bad day. put it behind me, be grateful that I have a job and an income and an easy enough time of it that I can still write at night.  

I'll go set my timer for the 2 hours; it's time to remember why I'm here. and to allow my characters to have their next adventure...

Transition underway- updated word count...

Phew- finally some progress.  983 words.  Project now at 44,969.  

Writing goal for today.. avoiding the blood letting for a few more mins...

After a long absence from writing I'm back to it. I set the timer for 2 hours and I'll see how it goes. Hopefully the book will not be as boring as my blog.

What is the difference between a book and a novel anyway? I don't feel like looking it up. Viscerally, a novel is whimsical and fun; a book is solid and heavy/real.  I'm writing a novel... no it sounds too much like it's going to be silly but that's what it is.  And I would love to be a novelist.  

I have to start asking myself though, "why do I want to be a novelist?"  Just so I won't have to go to the office anymore?  In my head I am sitting at home writing away.  but that dream leaves out the struggle and the blood poring out of every pore and how much easier it is to just read someone else's story [the evil box with moving pictures comes to mind]. So I have to make this commitment.  Or I should give up this dream for good.  It's all lost blood.  And the accomplishment of working it out. It's the most challenging, wonderful thing.  But getting myself to sit in this chair and work at the puzzle, that's the trick.  So I have to face the evil day job 5 days a week. but I have to start getting back in the chair and writing for those few hours I get every day.  I need to make my own stories, instead of soaking in someone else's.  

And today I am in a transition scene--my least favorite thing of all.  I analyzed my writer's block and immediately figured out a scene that interested me.  But getting to that scene--my transition scene has to be done to setup the next scene--but oy!! boring. I have to put effort into figuring out what's interesting about what will happen in this scene. At the very least it brings one of my threads back that I had dropped and puts it back front and center into the story.  

So I am off to figure out how to approach this scene.