Work in progress...

I suppose I should update that I am on chapter 19 out of 30.
I've decided to see if I can make this a quick scene or perhaps a really interesting scene.
Must get back into the world again...

What shalt happen in a scene?

I've had a strangely productive April but still no published novel.

I did publish a novella and about to publish another, so that is something. But those suckers just don't sell. AT ALL.

Anyway, I'm not letting it depress me... even though the novella i was so fond of has done nothing. and the latest novella that I just wanted to get posted has done nothing.

I'm a big nothing for a writer.

Knowing it and KNOWING it are quite different from each other.
And I still hold out hope for the novel. even though I also hold out no hope for the novel. At exactly the same time.

But dang, time to get that sucker out there.

So let's talk about revision- the way that only me and my little blogsie can.

Last time I checked in I had finished a very tough scene.
I am currently at a Very Tough Scene.

It needs actual new words, new scene and I gotta figure out what should happen.

Ok, time to brainstorm the outline... what shalt happen in a scene?

project update

Backed up the project- CHECK  (cause i'd still be sad if I lost it)

Current word count: 113,000  :)
That's all I wanted to say. How awesome is that.

and onto the next

It is like fresh life to be past that scene.

I like it. So there's that.

Now... onto the next scene.

i need to get from where I am to the next scene and include the pieces I needed to and have it not be boring at all.
have it be interesting. no gabbing please.

Let's make this happen today!!

Although there is another difficult section looming but I'll face that when it comes (but unfortunately very soon in the line-up).


I love you blog. You iz my frien'

Other side...

On a slightly less depressing note, I made it out of the scene. all on my own.
Take that cold, cold world.

Really hard day today

I wish there was some way some one I could talk to about it.
It's been rough.

The rational part of me knew that your own family is/are the last ones to read your story. and they're the last ones that would be able to give you honest feedback anyway. But somehow i thought i was the exception. and I'm not.

they all have legitimate reasons for being busy. but it still breaks my heart.
that's what i wanted to say
it breaks my heart

nobody has borrowed or bought the story. the cover is kick ass. purchased from a real cover designer.
really striking picture.

the blurb and the look inside are the problem.

i said i knew it didn't have an audience. or that i would understand that it couldn't find one.
because it's so different.
but there was the hope too that maybe it would be that good kind of different.
but i would be okay with it, if it wasn't
except that no one, even my own family, will read it.

and it's hard to get past it. cause i loved the little story.

and the novel is giving me trouble still. at a scene i don't know whether to save or cut
my sister said she didn't want to read the scene because she didn't want to ruin it for when the book is finished and she can give me fresh perspective on the whole story.
and i tried to explain- it's so much harder to fix something when you're 150K in vs fixing 2500 words.
but she reminded me she doesn't want to be my beta reader and i'm like, in my head saying, okay, i don't need your help, i'm going to do this on my own.

i will succeed without any help. none at all.
and here i am.

cause it broke my heart.

Troubles

Ugh. so good start today but it's already 7:45 and I haven't done any writing yet.  Time flies so fast!!
cat walk, treadmill walk, supper (check)
Time to get the scene started

screeching halt...

Everything's come to a screeching halt.

I forgot about this scene and I don't want to write it. UGH.
So I cut it or i force my way through.

or i just move on to a Novella.

But must remember it's all for fun.
I got novel to publish in June, novella is may.
it's all good
I don't care about perfect or ugly.

move forward... that is all there is.

Deadlines, lovely deadlines...

Starting a challenge for myself to be published by June 1st, no matter what.
The actual goal was May1st but June is my emergency cushion :)

Plan: I need to high-level revise a chapter/day, 2 on the weekend.
Then line edit 2 chapters/day, 4 on the weekend.

****

Revision update

Status for today:

Walk the cat- yes, that's a thing.

10 min walk- yes, I'm that pathetic.

Revision:

Ch: 17...  

ugh.  I got doing something else.
tomorrow

Goals for today

"So now it's just me and the writing project.  The ugly, ugly writing of a wonderful world that I just loves (kiss/kiss)
The only thing is to suck it up and face up to the novel that just has potential but doesn't fly.
But revise and move on, revise and move on.
Goal: 1 chapter/day. 2 on the weekend.
15 chapters left.
~2 weeks.
Yay- that would work. If it's possible.
And if I publish a novel... that's special. To me, that's everything.
Just get it out there and move on."

Progress:
Ch 16: DONE
Ch 17: ... (later on the changes will get much more difficult. This will be good if I can get REALLY, really far ahead)... Can I shoot for 3 or 4 chapters today and tomorrow?

I got part way through Chapter 17... will be back tomorrow

Closing the loop

Just to update, I have made some major changes in my life.

I found a way to make my current writing space work. I actually love to be here now.
I found a way to make the job work. So far I'm able to push it to the upper echelons of the morning which means I get afternoon hours to be a writer.
(I go to bed early but it still makes a difference. Amazing difference)
And the writing office...i loves it. yeah, life is really good right now. if only i can keep the new schedule. Pretty please.

Cat is getting ignored. I need to take him out for a walk, poor thing.

So now it's just me and the writing project.  The ugly, ugly writing of a wonderful world that I just loves (kiss/kiss)

Ok, must walk the cat. seriously. he's dumb as a stump and will actually lie down in front of cars.
It's only fair since my life is so good that he should get some fun in life too.

I took a short walk on treadmill when I got home so that's something. Unfortunately I have to start over. Bum knees and ankles and everything else. :(

The only thing is to suck it up and face up to the novel that just has potential but doesn't fly.
But revise and move on, revise and move on.

Goal: 1 chapter/day. 2 on the weekend.
15 chapters left.
~2 weeks.

Yay- that would work. If it's possible.
And if I publish a novel... that's special. To me, that's everything.
Just get it out there and move on.

Also dvorak is awesome. definitely. try it.
totally worth it by leaps and bounds

And goals for the edit!!

Ohhh. how I do love setting goals.

I seem to be doing a lot of procrastinating this afternoon which makes me sad. (eek, make that evening!)
Let's get this on the track...

Objective: Publish Novel by end of May 2016

Steps remaining to meet objective:

• Complete the edit
• Hope for a Beta read but set a firm deadline for responses (since I might not get any and the story's not worth waiting another 3 years, holding my entire writing career up. I've already given it 20 years. That's enough of that!).
• Get a cover (this may be a problem but I'm hopeful.)
• Revise to feedback (if I get any)
• Another read-through for flow and punctuation errors
• Publish
• Update site/update mailing list
• Do a happy dance for at least 1 minute

Goal 1: Edit    High-level plot revision, Line edit revision.

• Scenes left in plot revision: ~64
• Line edits: Possibly 128... too lazy to even attempt the count

I need to get the edits done by the end of April. Which means the story needs to actually be solid by mid-April.  Not going to happen.

...I just cringe...

But here we are.

Goal- high-level revisions- 10 scenes/day.

Done in two weeks.  due: 4/4

Goal- line edits: due 4/28  (these should go much faster.. maybe 20 scenes/day)

Nothing like setting impossible goals so I give up. Again.

Yup- So I GAVE UP!!

I couldn't wait any longer for edits.  My beta reader was just too busy and it just seemed silly.
This is a small and short story- I don't expect it to sell many copies and I just needed to psychologically get past it.

And it's funny because the novel-length series that I'm working on is also kind of odd. But I just like it. I can't explain it but... no, I love it.  It's such a fun story to me.
The elements are all wrong though so it's just not going to have wide appeal.
And I just have to do it anyway.
And it's going to be 3 stories at least.  But dang it, it's getting completed and edited and freaking published.

All this to say: I published the short story... and I'm trying to re-focus on getting novel 1 edited.
I'm hopeful that eventually I'll write a story that will fit genre expectations and this will just be some interesting/strange backlist.

I didn't set out to write stuff that didn't fit. But it just doesn't.
And now I can't turn my back on it.

I must give it a place, complete it, and move on.
It deserves that since it's been percolating for 15-20 years... something like that... something horrible like that.

And I'm published.

Let my family know and... [drumroll please]...

I sold one copy to my sister. ...yay...???
Oh well. They always say your family is not going to read it. But I kind of figured they'd pony up the $1 just to own it, for the sake of owning it.

Live, learn, move on.  [insert sad but resigned face here]


P.S. By the way, this means I'm actually published now. For Realz.

Cover was secured... now on to the novel edits...

Got my cover.  Story is STILL out for edits!! UGH. that's too long.

I grow impatient with the litl pip

But no excuse- my novel has still not been edited. And that has nothing to do with the above story.

I made a list of 3-4 scenes that must be updated tonight (or at least I need to START on the list/put in some solid effort to get those fixed)

Will update as I go...

TO DO:
M scene- vague it up/make it unclear. remove hidden msg [DONE/SORT OF]
C: streamline, not so much back and forth
O: change to she's dormant/special and link
G: doesn't know what happened. but offshoot of what she does.

Compiling...

Picked out/ordered the cover yesterday. But no word back yet from the designer.
Hopefully it wasn't snapped up by someone else yet. I will remain very afraid until I actually get the file.

Today's Goals:

• Get story compile-ready and save as custom setting for this story.
• Make some major progress on the line edits

Getting closer...

Getting closer to being published.

Got it out for beta reads.
Narrowing down on a cover (nothing's perfect but oh well...)
I need to edit and I need to format for ebook.

Life Simplified

After moving to new house, it's been hard to sort life out. Found a new job and new chaos. Life doesn't settle. I'm just not comfortable anywhere anymore. I have no 'me' space.

I'd like to change that- start a daily habit of showing up.
Also, I want to way lower my expectations for my writing. Start embracing good enough. I'm so critical- it's never good enough, never finished, never published.

Wish I could make my own covers- then life would get really simple.
I'd just start write and publish, write and publish. It is what it is.

Part of the war is over- I don't care what I publish next or what order or the right way. just get something out there. I'm still caught in the dilemna of which story I can actually develop and finish til the end. Or do I just get the started stuff finished. That would make the most sense. But then how to fix the issues. What to remove/what to keep. Wish I could afford someone to tell me what to do to fix it. Or find enough distance to just tell myself. It's easy enough to know how to fix other stories. So therefore there's no reason I can't fix my own stories.

So that's that.

And how to schedule the day.

Goals:
Cooking, cleaning, exercise, WORK, WRITE.
It's hard to fit it all in. And much easier to just crash after the obligatory crap day at work.

If I can keep it simple, I will. Just show up here every day with my goals. See how it goes.
I need to get this setup better as a writing space anyone. I'm stuck with this layout for at least a couple of years. So better suck it up since time keeps ticking away.

I wish writing was simpler. Stories aren't that complicated to read. They so heck complicated to write.
Why is that though? It doesn't make any sense.
Except I've got such a tight grip around the 'pencil' that it's the most constipated of experiences. I miss writing for fun.
Again, as above, why can't I just write for fun, publish good enough. Rewrite later if I suddenly think I can fix the issues of a previously published story.

Oh and I got to help that other person get their stuff published. So yet another time suck.
Must get that over with already. UGH. I really didn't want to sign up for that.