Plan of Attack- Revision Time

I'm going with a very high-level revision this month.

Goal: 117 scenes by Jan 31st

First things first:
1.) Going through the manuscript documenting my 1st Reader's concerns: DUE 12/31 1/1 DONE
2.) Gathering a list of unanswered questions, plot holes and character back-story questions. DUE 1/4
3.) Decide best answer for questions/Make the decisions already [!] - DUE 1/8
4.) Go through every scene and update (make notes) to fit new story-line. - DUE 1/20
5.) Revise final scenes so I have a real ending (18 scenes) - DUE 1/31

Secondaries:  Due Feb 10th
1.) Plot out 2nd book - DUE 2/10

Thirdly: WRITE ! :D

The End - 107,728

I'm a bit gooey with joy right now. Light headed.

I killed two scenes that I was trying to shoe-horn in there from my outline. They just weren't fitting.
Maybe in revision, when I have a real rough draft to work with, but not right now.

Not a bad word count either. Long, but not as long as I'd feared.

I have work to do but give me a moment to bask in the joy of it.

THE END.

It's taken at least 5 years to write those words.  And I finally get to. And I'm inarticulate (more than usual even).

3 baby scenes to go

3 tiny partial scenes left in the book.  I can taste victory already!

If you can't write anything good, write crap.

4 scenes to go- Final Chapter time

Ok, so this is pretty amazing, regardless. Truly, regardless of everything else. I am on the last chapter.
Everything is fixable. I'm going to just keep getting this out of my head. I will figure out what to do with all the plot holes later.

Update: 8:46pm: another scene done. 192 words. Gee, I swear the ending scenes made sense when I made up the scene cards. Well, at this rate (hidden blessing of such truncated scenes), it's not much work to revise at least

Loads of crap

I am SO stuck right now. I have put so much pressure on myself. 

I've been doing pretty well at just keep going but I think the crap has gotten so high that it's getting hard to wade through.

Or the proximity to the ending is the problem and I'm just having trouble shutting off the "you suck" voice, saying "you will fail at this, there is no point and you are wasting your time"

Updated count for WIP: 106770

UPDATE 8:30: 444 words/ scene completed. On to final chapter.
The plot holes are so big, I've got trucks travelling through on their daily delivery routes to Crapville. 

Into the scene...(5 scenes left)

I couldn't get anything done during lunch- just couldn't focus.  I have 5 scenes left to write (4 are in the last chapter).

Boy, does this thing need work. :D

Work today was rough, really rough. It was like I didn't have a voice or wasn't worth hearing. My immediate thought: I can't wait to be published and quit and never have to work in a cubicle again.
And then it will just be my voice and my words and my story.

I really want to get good at the Butt in Chair method.  It's the only way I'll ever become a professional. So time to write. Put the rest behind me.  Step into the scene and imagine it out.

UPDATE1: 7:09pm - So far, lots of surfing going on around here.  I am doing some major avoiding over here- with talent.

UPDATE2: 7:43pm- More stalling. At this point, I might as well have turned on the evil box.  Let's see- what's going on here?

I have 1 scene left in this chapter. Pretty much the aftermath of the big battle or immediate next piece of crap. So let's just get this out of my head, shall we?

On to the next scene (6 to go...)

On to the next scene.  I'm clinging to my advice and just moving forward. I'm not going to worry about connecting it or the gaping hole. I'm just going to get what's in my head out of it so that I can finish this story. I want to finish it so that I can take a step back and see the truth path of the story.
Details will come later.

UPDATE (5:48pm): and now there are 5 scenes to go.

Wow, so worst scene ever. It makes absolutely NO sense, builds on the nonsense of the previous scene. But at least there is something on paper now. I can move forward.

Also, I now have 1 planned scene left in this chapter and then the last chapter to write.  This is getting interesting.

366 words in that horrible, no good, very bad scene.

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays and 1018 words

Christmas was wonderful- I had Monday and Tuesday off.  And then, ahem, I took yesterday off to watch the evil box.

In other news, I came up with this cool other project.  So I'm using that to bribe myself to just get the scenes on paper. Rule is, complete a scene, I can work on the other project.

At lunch, I wrote 1018 words and completed the Battle scene.  It does not lead smoothly to the next planned scene at all... as in, big gaping huge hole between them.  So this should be fun this evening.  [I'm a bit addicted as now I only have 6 planned scenes left to write.  Gee, it would be great to get this thing done. So I think alternate project will keep until this weekend maybe.] Of course, now that I'm home, the evil box is calling to me too.  Curses: I should not have watched TV last night.

Big Battle Time

Progress:
8 scenes left that I know about.  (But I'm thinking there's a few more hiding out).

Big Battle tonight.
I'm keeping in mind- this is the skeleton and it is MEANT to be crap. Once I'm done I can revise it to a reasonable proximity of Rough Draft material.

Let's get started!

UPDATE 1: 7:17: WOW- easily distractable today. I was so excited to write too but then I got caught up in a Forum discussion. I should know better. I thought I was helping but I think I was actually just wasting people's time. Oh well. Now I need to move on. I should at least complete one scene today, to keep my lovely momentum going. I had this dream I might finish one of the chapters today but that does NOT look possible anymore.
On a positive note, I haven't watched any TV this week, that ought to count for something.
And I just moved one scene to book 2 - so yay- one less scene to write.
The Forum stuff is ALL SET - time to move on. I'm on a time table here.

WHICH REMINDS ME:
Goal to complete book 1: Jan 6th (about 13 days, skipping most of Christmas weekend).
Scenes to do: 7.

REMINDER (Because I need one):
I'm trying to remember- it doesn't matter if it makes sense or connects or fits together. Just get the scene out of my head in all of its skimming, crappy version. I can easily fill in the gaps, connect it and beef it up during revision. But I can't fix what I can't see. So just write it. It's okay if it's not perfect.

UPDATE 2: 7:50- Stole some words from the previous scene to put in the next scene instead. I now have 246 words in my Big Battle but kind of stumped.  My MC made a surprising use of her powers but I have NO idea what to do with it! LOL.  Completely unexpected/awesome development. Must figure out how it works.  But anyway, so far I have 163 new words.

UPDATE 3: 8pm- Yaza! This unexpected new power is going to backfire and move her out of the frying pan and into the fire! I'll have to figure out how exactly that works

UPDATE 4: 8:08pm- So glad I didn't stop.  The scene is working out awesome!!  I had them almost done for then almost victorious and now they are almost done for again!  Huzah! This is so much fun. (522 words in scene now; 439 new ones so far for today.)

UPDATE 5: 8:12pm: Holy crap- what a freaking awesome cliffhanger. And I know just what happens next. But I better get to bed.  okay I've got some stuff documented.  Hopefully I can sleep a little tonight!

Oops, and as suspected, scene has morphed into two so I still have at least 7 to go. BUT that also means I got one done tonight! Yay

Getting started again

So trying to settle in- quiet my mind.  I was very excited to come home today and see what scenes I could knock off next. I've decided not to worry about how they connect or make sense, just get them out on paper and then worry about it. This has definitely helped a lot.

I have 10 scenes left. Maybe I can knock a few out tonight.

UPDATE: 6:22pm: 1 scene done. 356 words LOL.  DONE THOUGH, IT'S OUT OF MY HEAD FINALLY. Off to the next scene.  [452 words, including the few I'd done the other night]

UPDATE: 6:48pm: So I completed the oh so important task of setting up my writing timeline in Outlook. Don't know why, I just suddenly HAD to have it.  I am getting rather excited about being so close to the end. Which brings me to now: I am stuck.
I'm trying to remember- it doesn't matter if it makes sense or connects or fits together. Just get the scene out of my head in all of its skimming, crappy version. I can easily fill in the gaps, connect it and beef it up during revision. But I can't fix what I can't see. So just write it. It's okay if it's not perfect.

UPDATE 8:00:  Another scene done- 722 words.  Total progress so far tonight: 1226
It's SO rough- which is exactly the point of course. I just need to admit that again.
But I left myself in a good place. Not sure whether I can try getting another one completed tonight
But only 2 chapters left to go (and last scene was actually in these chapters), so I'm actually making headway on the last 2 chapters on the book! YAY.
I think I'll call this a night and keep the big battle for tomorrow. :D

Approaching the next scene

This is so nerve wracking. I'm reaching the end finally and I have a lot of balls to throw in the air.  I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M DOING!

hah! I said it.  There, so there. So I don't know what I'm doing.
Couldn't this be fun? Just figure out how do I picture this scene in my head? Just capture it in Scrivener. Iron out the details and add in the layers later. Add in all the connecting scenes and maybe several missteps. But right now just worry about the stuff I know about.

I just need to picture the scene and get it out of my head.

UPDATE 7:56:
3 new scenes done, 1996 words.
These are skeletal, high level, and I'm not going to worry about whether anything seems plausible.  And I kind of, in a weird way, actually like what I'm getting.  It's skimming over the top but the contents of the scene I wanted is there.  And I'm remembering all these loose ends I had, and I'm starting to pull them in.

I can't wait til revision time when I can make this puppy sing.

Epilogue is done- well, roughed out anyway, but in words

My epilogue is "done" - 646 words. Very high-level, just skimming over the top, but it's there now.
Tomorrow I shall attempt the final chapter, which will be a challenge as I haven't written the final battle yet.

But it's exciting. I'm looking forward to getting this thing closed out.

Based on my revised scene list/reorg, I have 3.5 chapters to go.  Here's hoping I can knock one of them out tomorrow.

Fresh set of eyes

Having trouble focusing so I'm making a fresh new entry to play around in.

So I have 20 very high level plot cards/ a little vague but not really too bad. Big problem is trying to figure out how to get from my current point in the story to the next point in the story.

Goal: 5 detailed plot cards moving from current point in story to next phase in story.

Plot Card Time

Time to make some new plot cards.  My original ones were go to [this location] and meet [someone] and find out about [this other thing]  (editing out the details). But anyway it was way too vague and high level.

Time to get out the plot cards and have some fun.

I think I'll do it in notepad on the computer so Muse knows she has room to work and change her mind. Nothing's set in stone here.

Goal: 20 new scenes with details.

Here's a picture of my typical scene cards:
Title:
Action: [overview of what happens]
Where:
When:
Goal: [what did char want/why here?]
Against/With:
Conflict: [keeping the yawns out of the scene, but not fake over-the-top conflict]
New Goal: [since scene needed to change something, see item below, what becomes the new goal. I don't always have this but I look for this opportunity to change stuff up. Between this and the next piece it should keep the reader from skimming/skipping because every scene they might miss something important.]
Twist/New Info: [for the reader: why did I read this?]

I try to fill out something for each piece, although on notepad, I start with just the Action piece and fill out the rest later.

So anyway, 20 plot cards coming up...

UPDATE: (1:59).  Had to run an errand and then typed up the 15 plot cards I already had, still love them and the direction of the book. Now to add in the much needed details. and some of the more important connecting info as right now I can't tell how to get to the next scene and I definitely need to add in a few missteps too.

UPDATE: (2:06): Actually I have 20 scenes. (I hadn't gone quite far enough back in the scene list.)  Now, time to add in all the lovely details that make a story.

UPDATE (3:24): Cleared out all the blah from Scrivener so that I just have the 20 remaining note cards.  I need to add in the plan, man. I have 4 chapters + epilogue (with 3 scenes).
And instead of adding details, I've been futzing around on the internet. What the heck is up with all this fear, reluctance, and pressure? This should be the fun part.

Yug

Well these next scenes are like a black hole. I have her breaking into a maze and wandering around with the guidance of a mysterious substance. It's too simple and way too boring and I have no idea what's supposed to happen once she gets there so it's all a big blah without even the excitement of getting there.

Aha- so I'm skipping ahead. I'm going to try writing the scene once she's found the group. I can figure out how she got there later.  And I suppose she really should have a little trouble getting there.

I think it just feels so overwhelming to have her hiding from people, and hearing people coming. Yuck.
Maybe I should give her the power of invisibility. Tempting but no.

Word count meter

15457 / 30000
(51.52%)

Time for the next scene

Today's goal is 700 words.

Here's the problem- works actually fun the past few months.
They've got me on  a new project- where I'm creating documentation and spending alot of time hunting out new opportunities to add information.

It's light years from my normal job.
I have no idea how long my luck will hold out- before they send me back to the normal job.

I'm torn.

I'm a lot more productive when I'm a little more miserable. But I really prefer my current job. And it's a paycheck week to week. Whereas when I'm miserable at work, it's a paycheck week to week and a few pages of writing But I don't seem to truly be getting closer to ending this thing.

OK, so 2nd issue.
I have a serious dis-interest problem in the end.  Things were moving a long and I was happy and now SCREECH.  I'm stuck.
I'm making things too easy for the MC. But, on the other hand, it is so easy to revise.  I need to just push ahead and worry about raising the stakes in the 2nd draft.
3rd issue actually is that I don't think I've connected enough with the story.  So much has happened but maybe less should have happened so the characters had more chance to get a personality.
[note: I just read a story where, well to be honest, there was a lot of talking, but there was plot and not much character development.  Actually I take it back, I think it was all the talking and debating that killed the storyline for me. Not the fact that there was lots of plot]. My big pet peeve: I hate being told what to think, I don't like being preached at.
And one thing I noticed is that throwing lots of logic at the story problem doesn't make the problem go away.  Cause as nice as the argument might be, the story problems don't really get buried under all that talking.

So difficulty #1: Need to put all this stuff aside- all the rushing to get to the end, all the worries that it's all a waste of time.
I want this next scene done.
I can figure out what I need for transition scenes and additional scenes later.  But this scene is okay to write, however it comes out, and finally give my conscious mind something to work with.

Goal for today

I'm so bad.  It's the holidays- they suck up my time. :)  But I've gotten to see my family so often. I love that.

My current total (on the new stuff) is 15457.
According to WriteTrack, my goal tonight is 693 words.

Actually if I could figure out how the MC's powers work, I would settle for that! DONE

Update 7:10pm
I think I'll call that good. It's vague, but I think I'm on the right track.  Enough that tomorrow I can move forward again. I think the rest will keep for 2nd draft.

Another milestone

I didn't write the next scene tonight. Instead I reread the blog which is a complete waste of time.

It always starts because I want to remember how it started. And it's such a journey I can take over again. To remember those scenes that I was struggling with. I forget how hard the scene was. I feel a serious sense of accomplishment that I made it to the other side, although it's really sad how often I spent months away from it too.

But I'm so grateful to have this record of the journey.

And it led me to do a little math.  I've rolled over 100,000 words.  Which is incredible.
I should throw myself a party.

I know- that means there is going to be some surgery later. But it gives me room to play.
And I want to congratulate myself.

Before this story, I'd never written more than 10-30 pages. Now I'm somewhere around 250 (I think)

[Anyway, goals tomorrow: At least 556 words. Another scene completed]

Moving on

I don't want to be done writing yet today so I'm going to take advantage of it.  I'm getting excited too because I am so close to the end of the book now.
Trouble is how do I get focused on the next scene without feeling overwhelmed by all the stuff yet to write and somehow make come together? How does a writer stay sane in this mess?

On to next scene.  No looking ahead- just what happens next to MC?

Success- sorta

Finished the scene: woot! All I can say is FINALLY.
It's not right, it's not pretty; it's not what I thought would happen.  So who knows.
But it's forward and for right now, I'm keeping. I actually think it may be the general way the scene actually needed to be. Although I have a feeling it might need to be 2 different scenes, taking place at 2 different times.
But I'm also being lazy and tired of leaving the location to go back to it.  So for now, I'm keeping it as a scene and moving on.

14337 words today. (1542 words made up that scene). [UPDATE 12/28: obviously that number is wrong but have no idea now what I meant to write]
72 words in a short transition scene.
And done.

Going swimming!!!!!

Goal today- 515 words.

Got to keep thinking, "I will feel better once I write. I will have accomplished something that is really important to me."
It's worth the effort and worth the time away from easy things.

I need to get into the scene and get those words out of my head.  So I can move that little bit forward in story time. It's worth the effort.

Time to put everything else aside. What is this one little scene about? How does it start? What interesting/fun thing is happening right now?

*** Update 5:12:
Just about 10 terrible, no good, very bad words.
I took a brief field trip to the coffee house to see if that might spark something but the music was too loud and too poppy and they were out of everything. So I am back. And I am determined.
I am going to work on story until 6pm.  It can be the most craptastic thing - I give myself permission to suck all over the page. Just so long as it's the scene work. Lemme see what I can come up with tonight.
Again, crap is welcome.

Stumbling along

Wrote the first half of the next scene during my lunch break.  Did not go the way I expected.

From experience, 9 times out of 10, that means I'll be rewriting that within 2-3 scenes from now. But it's forward, so I think I'll keep going for a bit and see if it's keepable.

And if not, maybe the version currently hiding in my head somewhere will show up.

Goal for today: 530.
413 words during lunch. Leaves me with 117 words to go today.

*** UPDATE 5:51pm:
I did end up redoing it. It was too distracting.
I now have 1030 words for the day/not bad at all. Still not sure whether I can keep the scene or if it gives too much away. But for now, it just feels right.

I'm going to take a break now.  For tomorrow, I may need a transition scene although I think I can skip it and head straight for the next planned scene.  Hooray.  Tempted to start that now. :)
[Goal for tomorrow is 515 words. Not bad at all]

Which which is which?

Thanksgiving break ate both my diet and my writing time, but I've gotten some words in (around 2231 so far!!). Good words too. The scene is not perfect/it's rough but the through-line is pretty solid. I might need to change it - depends on what First Reader says later.

Finally finished the blasted scene (there was a bit to it).  I completed another shorter transitional scene.
Now I am in the next planned scene.  Woot   ...You read that right: I am in the NEXT planned scene. I'm actually moving forward in story time.

So why am I here?  Because I'm not sure how to tackle the current scene and I have a lot to accomplish.

• She needs to meet with the mentor and get instructions and provide observations. [To Do]
• She needs to find out about the pool. [Done]
• She needs to sneak back inside by way of the birds. [To Do]
• And I need to figure out whether she is successful (which is simpler than the alternative/which of course might not be believable- which is unfortunately more important). [Done]
• And I need to find out why I'm making this so difficult.  Just write it already! [Done]

Current total (new part): 11367
Goal words for tonight: 550 ...maybe I can write fast?

*** Update 8:11: 11989 ... 622 words.  And that's a wrap :)
[updated writing goal for tomorrow is 530 words]

A productive lunch

Quick update - 745 new words.  I started on the next scene.  It's the last one needing a rewrite.
My first version was much more of a summary- this time I'm going in for first-person detail and emotion. And several things went "duh, I really, really need to change that, don't I?"

So much better now.

It was a good day, especially considering that amazing word count happened during my lunch break.

Doodading around

All right- so I'm stuck. Just putting it out there and calling into the abyss for some help.

So my doodad is designed and done! [Check]
The scene with the villain is done [Check]
MC's had her scene using the doodad [Check]

This is all good stuff that wasn't done before.

Now- what happens next? How much boring can I skip and still be able to follow the story?

Day 3 Interrupted

Today was supposed to be day 3 at the coffee shop but I couldn't settle. I gave up way too quickly though.

Still it would be much cheaper to be an author at home- I cave way too easily to the seriously overpriced drinks and food while I'm there.

I wrote 471 words during my lunch break today.  If I could write another 500 that would make a good day.

Day Two at the coffee shop

There is something comfortable about working at the coffee shop. It's noisy but not too noisy.
I don't feel so cut off from the world while I work- not thinking about all the things I'd rather be doing instead.

If I could just get over that feeling like someone might be reading over my shoulder--like anyone cares about it but still, wish they had seats where you just had the wall behind you.  Private and a little noise... that would be perfect.

Anyway, today I need to finish the science for my doodad/make it good enough that I can move on with a clear conscience, because otherwise it will nag at me nonstop til I fix it.

Ok, I'll be back to update soon...

*** UPDATE 1:27pm ***
Updated count 9434, another 10 words lost. But now I have my doodad figured out and a high level explanation of how it works.  The thought of spending 3 pages writing the details made me shudder. I'll wait and see if a 1st reader complains before I go to the trouble.

Trying out the coffee shop scene...

Bright and early at the local coffee shop- ready to write. But I'm stuck!

In the rewrite, my villain said something really cool as a last line.  But I have NO idea what she meant and it kind of requires a response. LOL. I'm going to ignore it for now- maybe the muse will come up with something cool by the end of the scene.

Goal: 500 words

Update 8:34AM:
Nothing much yet.  

So the coffee shop plays music and the speakers are right over my head. Going to need a new seat.

Update 9:10am:
I did find a better seat. Obviously things aren't going great since I here again.
But I did make some headway at least. Little minor chips at the black wall in front of me. :D
Oh, and I figured out what the villain meant, which is kind of important.

Update 9:51am:
Still working my way back from the cuts.  Current total on the new section is 8588 so far.
My goal is to get back to previous total of 10,139 words. 

Update 10:45am:
Now at 9268 and I've made my way out of that scene.

Update ~11:30am
Kind of got distracted with other things but I made some great discoveries and have some cool stuff to design tomorrow.
Current total: 9454  (Old count was 10139 = 685 words to go)
And can't wait to work more on my cool new doo-dad (can't believe I considered revising it out of the story). Now it's like the coolest, awesomest thing. 

Goal for tonight

Actually my goal is to get some sleep!  Night

Update Novel Stats

Original part- 85,888 words
New part- 9,936 words (mostly revised to rough draft level the past couple of days).  So far, I lost 1446 words. More to go...
Current novel total: 95,824

To Do:
About 2 scenes left to bring to rough draft level so that the story will be back on track.
I have about 15 planned scenes to write at 1,500 words/scene = 22500 words
Current estimated total = 118324

For Write Track, I currently have a goal of 464 words. (II'll change my deadline if needed).

*** UPDATE ***
The remaining crap is such crap that I'm going to redo rather than revise.
New Part:  7621 (-2518 words)
Updated Write Track Goal: 487

Current Novel Total: 93,509

Getting a fresh start on the end

Hello, hello- what a long time since I've shown up here.

I couldn't face the story- it had gone so far off course.  Jumped the shark, they say.
I hear over and over again- just finish it and revise later but I didn't enjoy it anymore. It was too terrible; it was a chore to sit down.

I sent it to my sister and I reread it myself. My sister loves it! Loves it.
She hasn't made it to the last 10,000 words yet (the jump the shark part, I mean)- but all that beginning stuff that I love too- she's enjoying it.

And I loved it too. And then I got to this newest 10,000 words- yuck. So bad. So horrible.
But now I have distance.

I went through almost all of it and revised it. The scene now ghosts/mirrors what I see in my head.

I'm so happy and energized.  My sister keeps saying, "I can't believe you're going to be a published author."  :D  I'm so glad I had her read it. And I'm so glad I jettisoned the true crap and revised the mini-crap.

Deep breath, center, excitement, time to write!

I did a little rereading of my previous blog post to get myself in the right frame of mind. I can't wait to be a professional writer.

• Current daily target = 306 words.  
• 2 hours (9:00 -11:00). Saturday mornings are my favorite. 
• My goal is to complete the 2 unplanned scenes. They should be pretty short, just giving a window into the day to day world again. (These are the types of scenes that will probably get cut later if nothing interesting happens in them.) *
• I would then love to write the next planned scene. I've been waiting on that one for awhile. I'll see how well I can switch gears.

* Note: My guidelines for a scene: Piece of plot happens, character development, learn something about story/background/plan that you didn't know before. I like to have all 3 but if 2 of the elements are solidly in there and there is a bit of fun reading it, I will be attached enough to keep it for my first reader's input.

Time to turn off the internet. I will update later.

Strength training for my dream job

In the path to professional authorship, I want to build up my threshold for switching gears.  I need to develop routines between scenes, 5-10 mins, where I move my mind from exhaustion and euphoria to a pause in things, put the old scene away.  Recenter, peace, reclaim excitement and move focus completely to next scene.

The only way that's possible is to develop ways to recharge my brain, free up the cobwebs from the intense concentration, refresh and move on.  I will start developing methods during the weekend/today. Already I've started working on setting up the next scene before finishing my work each night.  Just a start into it, any small piece, so that during my time away from writing, my sub-conscious is puzzling out the next scene.  And when I open the project the next day, it's already focused on the next scene. (I'm not still looking at the old stuff, except if I want to re-read to get a flavor of the story again. But my focus of struggle should always be the current scene, not yesterday's work.)

And always, my main thing is to keep WriteTrack realistic and updated.  My actual daily goal will stay low.  250-350 as an amateur = success.  If the word count gets too high, because I've been away, I push the date out until the word count gets back to a reasonable amount. 

1251 words- another scene out of my head and captured on the page

1251 words tonight. My new total is 10,139 words. Rolling over 10K (in the end section) is a nice milestone to celebrate.

And so is this scene.  It went off in a direction I never planned.  But totally makes sense now. Fits perfectly with the story. And at the end I was still able to pull in the planned part.  So my next planned scene can happen. (although I have one minor scene in between that my MC needs to do.  And possibly my character needs to spend time eating. (I need to figure out whether my char needs some social time- actually she hasn't spoken to b, z, a or the l's in quite some time, at least not in any on page scenes.) It's be nice to see how everyone else is faring and getting along).

Yup, I'm doing that... adjusting Scrivener now...

So relieved.  I couldn't get my brain focused. Real world was really stressing me out. 
I love pretending I'm already past that. I no longer work in a cubicle with supervisors and objectives. 
It was nice to imagine the day in the future when I have the free life.

I finally found a little quiet space in my head.  And I wrote out some more to get myself past that. Things like "What happens next" and "Whats the worstthat can happen" and the summarizing sentences.  Once I wrote enough of the summary I was able to go back and make them into story sentences.

Also it helped to go back to reread a few scenes.  Rough (and there was some ugly) but I was actually in the scenes.  It helped me remember how to get into the story, instead of gliding on top, in summary land.

My new daily goal is 306 words.  Hmm, it's kind of nice maybe to add a few words in the next scene tonight.  And that way I'll already be part of the way done with tomorrow's words.

In need of inner peace- dreaming of my perfect future

Some day I will be writing my books full time. Right now I would be in my upstairs personal office, next to the home gym, at my custom desk with my lovely cubbies. My window is to my right. so there's no glare but lots of lovely, natural light. And I’m typing away. Hubby is outside in the wood shop working on custom furniture that he’s putting in the next house he’s selling.Sometimes I can hear sounds of the saw, but mostly it is peaceful and silent. It's nice to know he's there, living his dream too. We've arrived at our oasis.

It’s a beautiful home, and it’s peaceful and my schedule is my own. I work for myself, my own hours, whatever schedule works for me. Every so often I might get up and make myself a cup of decaf coffee or tea. Or I will make some ice tea and sip away at it as I work.

And the words flow nicely, smoothly because it’s just me and my space. And I can just do my work and write my words, with joy. I am free of care and worries. Home and life are all I have and it is good and peaceful. And once I finish my words for the day, I will go out to the little teahouse and sit by myself and meditate or commune with nature or watch the fish. Life is really good now.

Maybe tonight I will go for a swim in our pool.

I am here now. And these are my daily words. What will I write, now that I have arrived at my future me?

As I go into the next frontier...

Continuing on from yesterday- I am indeed very excited.  This next scene and the planned next scene after that are ones that've existed in my head for over a year (I might need a scene or two inbetween; I'm going with the flow of course)

It's exciting to finally be here.   Now to just type out the details. :)

During my lunch break today, I got myself solidly into the scene with about 92 words, sort of summarizing some of the details.  It's good time to start already.

320 words are my goal. I have 1-2 hours available (more I suppose if I need it, it is Friday after all)

And an important thing to remember- this is rough skeletal first draft.  I don't need details, I definitely don't want prefection, I just want something I can use to revise the details later.  Time to have fun with this fun, mysterious scene.

Turning off internet now. I will update later.

Goal reached

770 words. I did not worry about ripples.  Actually it all seemed to work just fine.

I finished another scene.  They are running short. I am not really get into the scene with details and character and dialog.  To be honest I wasn't feeling this scene so I couldn't get into it.
But boy am I excited now.  Moving on.

Some really neat stuff came out of it.  My villain gave her a great new toy It's all a wonderful little development for use in the next book.

And now my next scene can finally happen.

I did it- I made my word count goal two days in a row- woot, woot.
(new daily goal is 320 words/day, not so bad)

More importantly the stage is set for the next crucial scene (and actually setup with all the pieces I need, it actually fits and works)- I've been waiting to get to this point for awhile.

No, no, no, no !!!!

Silly writer, ripples are for kids.

Move on.  Worry about tying it together later. Worry about whether one scene/character/event contradicts another one L-A-T-E-R.

Write now - revise later.

Do I never want to finish this little thing?  It's my first book- let go of perfection in first draft.  Trust the process. Trust the subconscious to handle the details (or cut and change stuff later).  I PROMISE to have a "Lost Scenes" section on my author website. No effort is wasted and why take all the fun out of the first draft? All this worry has dragged down my writing and blocked me up.

Breathe deep, let it go, trust the process. Move on and dive deep.

Time to figure out what to do next

My unexpected duh moment last night means I have to figure out whether the scene works, if I can keep it, and how the ripples work.

My villain knows who she is therefore all the henchman do too, that's the way it works. Cause - Effect - DUH.

[loud sigh, you didn't get to listen to. Feeling overwhelmed and also mystified how anyone keeps all these plot points in the air at once] :D

Goals:

• 327 new words tonight. 
• Verifying my last scene caused ripples not tsunami
• Let's get to the next scene already!

All this hard work will pay off some day when I get to publish and put it on my bookcase. Hardcover please. :)

Goals for Today. Results 413

Finish current scene in all it's ugly, glory so I can get on with it (or at least get 330 new words tonight).

I have an hour til 6:30.

413 words to finish out the scene.  It partly did what I wanted but it was ugly too. 
I discovered something unexpected too which changes things but I think it was time someone figured out my MC's secret anyway... seriously, who better than my wolf in grandmother's bonnet?

Formatting?

So formatting doesn't like me and has squished everything in my last post into one ugly paragraph.

Yuck! I refuse to waste any more time on this... moving on... [lied here]

I'm so sad right now and obviously way too easily distractable.  [checking if this issue is now fixed]

It is fixed.

I wish they hadn't upgraded me- I prefered the other version. This has way too much clicking.

It's the end of April already...

I love Spring - it's my favorite time of year.

I love my blog and writetrack and Scrivener. I've bailed on everything, but it's here waiting for me- it's not angry, judgemental. I can just pick it all up again.

In my time away, I did write a few bits and pieces:

• I was able to add 717 words to my Write Track total, bringing me up to 7705 words, out of a goal count of 30,000. (30,000 is just a bogus number that I don't really care about).
• I've completed 11 scenes so far.
• I have 16 planned scenes still to do, although I kind of expect closer to 26 scenes, when all is said and done.
• In Write Track, I adjusted my end date to July 1st.
• My new daily word count goal is 328 words/day.

Goal Today: 658 words

Goal today: 658 words (hopefully I can double that and lower my goal back down a little bit).

Right now my story is at an awful place so I'm going to create a new page and just write going forward. I can figure out how to connect and cut later.

UPDATE (11:35): So I just spent a couple of hours surfing other people's writing blogs. I really need to realize that the publishing stuff/information about contracts and self pubbing, etc. That all happens AFTER the novel is finished. An interesting point I read was that it takes about 10-20 novels in your list to start making a decent living at self-pubbing. That's pretty cool. Finally a goal to shoot for. Yup - me who has worked on one novel for about 10 years now is thinking someday I might have 10 finished. Not looking realistic at this point. But still one more little inspiration to finish the stupid thing already.

UPDATE 2 (11:51): Ok, so here's the goal. This story is only for me and my sister. Nobody else will read it. I just need to make sure I'm enjoying it. It doesn't need to be perfect or even any good at all. It can be the most boring thing on the planet. UGH, ok. not really. But NO more pressure allowed. This is just for me right now. SO WRITE SOMETHING ALREADY. Or even just stare at the blinking cursor like a good little pretend writer.

Path to Freedom

I feel the need to repost this to keep it at the forefront in my mind.

*** Path to Freedom: ***
* Write the story in rough draft/skeletal format. Keep going until I reach the end. (Skeletal Draft) - Due Mar 31st (had to update my previous deadline)
* Brainstorm book 2/scene list
* Write book 2 in rough draft
* Brainstorm book 3/scene list
* Write book 3 in rough draft
* Revision A book 1 (First Draft)
* Revision A book 2
* Revision A book 3
* First Reader Critique book 1 (as in send it out for outsider opinion)
* Revision B book 1 (Second Draft)
* First Reader Critique book 2
* Revision B book 2
* First Reader Critique book 3
* Revision B book 3
* Gather First Reader Synthesis Critique
* Series Final Revision based on Series Synthesis Critique (Final Draft)
* Send out cover letter and partials, etc. (or self-pub)

Moving on...

ok, so now that the boring stuff is out of the way. Time to think about project.
I am now at 640 words a day!YIKES. What a change.

It's okay, I won't change my end date yet. I still have a whole month to write about 30 scenes. It's entirely possible.

I just need to psych myself up so that I'll actually show up.

IMAGINE- me a writer with a finished story. I'd love to have something to put on my bookcase. No I'd love to print it out and just read it all the way through. Got to get the rest of the scenes out of my head and onto the page.

I go to bed at 6/6:30 now. It's crazy. My eyelids are actually getting heavy and it's 5:42pm. LOL. Such a strange life I lead.

Things are working out

Today I am very excited- hyper really. Everything is working out.
I love my job. I go in before and workout at the company gym and then I get a free shower so I'm actually saving some money in the deal. yup. i like saving the pennies.

And we got our health insurance cards in the mail. Time to make a dentist appointment.

My husband has got our house all designed. He's going to start flipping homes and we're going to save up and build our dream house. It's going to be so pretty. I've seen it a million times in my mind and I can't wait to walk through the real live hallways. (That will be a ways down the road but we are moving closer)

My husband is taking his skills and his passion and turning that into his life's work. I really want to do that too. And geez, I still haven't finished the story. I'm back to not working on it. Time to move ahead. (Although I can't believe it's already 5:30pm. Honestly, I won't be able to work on my project until tomorrow.

And on the Lent note: no TV. 1 movie (which is kind of all right). And way too many complaints. My sister is doing pushups whenever she complains. That seems like a great idea.

Apparently... couldn't be more--

--famous that is.

It actually feels like I've been away for months/can't believe it's only been a week and a half. Write Track now has me at 606 words/day. Still doable, seems crazy that I'm not in worse shape.

My sister is giving up TV for Lent. Yesterday was her first day and she was really anxious and it was hard. Today, she said she feels at peace and she's making better decisions. She's not in a rush to be where she can have time to herself to watch tv.

Anyway, I'm giving up TV for Lent too. I missed the first day. (I was watching the last 2 episodes of Revenge and it was unthinkable that I shut it off with half an episode to go. But today, I think I'm capable of doing it. Especially, I feel inspired by her results. Also, I'm giving up book reading too. I don't want to fill my time with anything so I can be bored enough to write again.

I have an hour for lunch at work now and I really thought I would use the time to write and then have evenings to myself. But instead I play solitaire on my laptop and eat cookie and pretzels. Bad habit. Bad habit.

I'm not sure I will get any more productive at work though. I've been stressing too much. But maybe I can at least be productive at night again.

On the plus side, I used the gym at work on Mon, Tues and Weds. And I will be going in early tomorrow. (I just have to make sure to go to bed tonight at 6pm).

I guess I should talk about my story since that's what I'm here for.

It's stuck. In that sort of my world is self-destructing and I have no way out unless I tear up the whole thing and start again. I can't believe it. How did it happen? I blame a large part on the damn sub-plot I keep trying to force into the story. I just got to get rid of it. It's forcing me to shoehorn in all this lame stuff because I really want it in the story. I just need to skip all that crap all together. Later if it needs it I can add something logical back in. Or maybe I can use that plot device in the next story. It would actually make much more sense in book 2. And I will just figure out what to do with the scenes that are now messed up later, after the book is finished. Maybe I can just reduce it to hints and later people can be impressed by all my foreshadowing, completely unaware that it's because I wanted it earlier and wasn't smart enough to know how to do it.

This morning, this song was playing through my head "Thanks for the memories. Even though they weren't so good. They taste like you but sweeter." You know, I never really heard the lyrics before. I never would have thought to flip it around and make the memories actually taste sweeter rather than seem sweeter. Anyway it all fits in with being not smart. I am not smart. I am not a good writer. I am blah. Captainette Gabby Blah, that's Captain Blah to you.

Famous last words?

Time to put the rest behind me and move on to today's new words.
My goal today is 490 [!!!]. That's what I get for not showing up in awhile.

As will be the case for most of the end of the book, I have no idea what I'm going to do with this scene. I really need to cut this whole sub-plot out but not sure I won't eventually figure out how to make it work and the potential is really cool. gah.

New episode of Once Upon a Time available on Hulu (woot). I guess I know what my present to myself will be.

And as I said, I am now at 490 words each day. I have until at least 6pm to get those written. And 490 words is really not that many so I should be okay [famous last words].

UPDATE because I really don't want to show up/it's too hard: I agree to only work until 6pm. At which point, I may watch Once Upon a Time. So I need only focus until 6pm. BUT I MUST actually focus on the next scene. All the other stuff I'd rather do can wait until 6pm!!

UPDATE: Wow, could they be any more 'famous'? I have spent the hour surfing. Not good

5:18. I have about 40mins to get 500 words written.

UPDATE 3 (5:39): Nothing happening so far. Everything is a bit tedious right now and I don't really want to invest in the characters. Not feeling it. Don't want to feel it. I get that something is wrong. I should be interested in the story. Why don't I want to put the time and effort in right now? Why aren't I enjoying this part of the book? I still have my billion dollar special effects budget. I can do whatever I want. Nothing has to be perfect- this is just fun. What fun thing can I do to my MC next? I don't have to write the planned scene- it can be whatever I want that moves the story forward. It does not have to be perfect.

I am going to sit here until 7:30pm too. I can watch Hulu this weekend, after I've met my writing goals for an entire week.

UPDATE 4 (6:03): Tired. I'm going to bed. Tomorrow I will come back with renewed focus- it's a promise.

Internet troubles and some progress: 6988 out of 30,000 goal words

I've been having some internet trouble but really should have found time to post here anyway.

The scene from my last entry ended up at 1486 words.
I wrote the next mini-scene (it's kind of the end to the previous scene)- 488 words. The scene is really choppy but it's there now, on paper, where it can be edited and improved (instead of locked in my head). So that is really good, even if I really don't like the way it came out.

My current total is 6988 words. My total target is 30,000. This is just a rough guess of how much length is left in the story. I really don't care how much under or over 30,000 the end of the book is- I just want to finally reach it. :) (The other 87,000 or so words is in another project on another computer. I'm leaving them separate so I can treat this as a separate project and not go back to reread old crap or worry about that stuff. I don't need to think about the old stuff til later.)

Now that I'm caught up... can I just say again how much I hate my previous scene. yuck, yuck but it's there.

Also, I am reading Clash of Kings right now. I am not liking it. It is filled with boring. I thought the first book, he did a nice job of skipping the boring stuff, summing up what happened since we last were in that POV and then getting to the next conflict. Now we start at a boring point, experience every minute of it and flip to another person being boring.

I think he could have possibly skipped this book altogether.

And since I always try to break it down to use for my own stuff: just because something is technically [quote] happening [unquote] doesn't mean something is happening. You know? But how to know when it's interesting conflict and when it's just boring? I guess that's what first readers are for (once I smooth out all the stuff I already know is boring, obviously.

Goal Today: 473. Update- 2011 new words :)

During my lunch break, I wrote 538 words. I put those in Write Track as Friday's words.

Tonight at home, I wrote another 1473 words. A whole new scene although I have to finish it up tomorrow when I'm fresh again. It was a fun scene too and I love it when an idea pops into your head when you need it, and suddenly it's clear how things should go.

Write Track has me back at 454 words needed a day. phew, I like that much better.

Goal Today: 450 words. UPDATE- no new words

Woot/woot- it's like I'm seeing it for the first time. Only 450 words- great improvement. Pretty much, I can take about 10 words off my daily count every time I get about 800 words in. That's pretty cool.

I'm excited to be here today. (sounds like I'm giving a motivational speech) lol
Anyway I'm suddenly in a really good place to work on the story today.

Yesterday I left off in a good place. The MC was back home. The sticky ucky part is behind me. I have NO idea what to do with my next scene I just know I need to get my MC outcasted. Although I might have to change that based on yesterday's scene.

Hmmm, we'll see...

UPDATE 1 (6:02): I am back to being haunted by work. Got to put that behind me and move into story world. Focus on the scene I'm creating and the characters that inhabit them. Work is for tomorrow. I left it when I left my cubicle. It will be there again tomorrow. And I had a great idea for my Saturday work so time to move on. This is my time for story and creation and dreaming. That multi-million dollar special effects budget at my disposal. (Not that anything I'm writing uses special effects but still...)

What should happen, what should happen...

UPDATE 2: Strayed away and watched a movie instead... curses.

Goal today: 457 words. UPDATE: 887 words

Today I need to complete 457 words to stay on track.

I'm showing up late (I needed to cook) but I'm here. I'm here.

Let's see how quick I can get this next scene completed.

UPDATE (4:40): So, I'm not worried about perfection. I'm just going to start writing and let the characters say what they need to say, see what comes out. And after it's done I'll see what I have and what needs to change. Nothing is set in stone. This is just rough draft where I let whatever come out to be molded later.

UPDATE 2 (4:44): I suppose I should be more upfront about this. I'd rather be watching a movie right now, or hulu. I keep stopping myself from calling out to hubby "Hey, you want to watch a movie?" I know he would too. But I need to make sacrifices. Maybe next week once I get an hour lunch in the middle of the day- I could get my 500 words done there and come home and have the evening off? Although I know me, I'll definitely want to double up and write another 500 at night. So again, it's time to make sacrifices. To put the writing first. I will finish the story and the next one and then I will revise and publish and become a world famous author with millions of fans who devour my books and I'll never have to see the inside of a cubicle again.

yup, time to make that happen. Writing first. I can watch movies in August.

UPDATE 3 (5;02): so far, not so good. The nice thing is if I crap out today, it only adds 10 words to my daiily goal BUT not a good trend to start. Pretty soon it will be unmanageable. And right now, it's 457 words every single day. no days off. It's going to be very easy to get behind. So what's stopping me? I have no idea what to write. I don't know what the char wants and why he brought them all together. Well vague idea- he's bringing them on board- but what are there assignments? why what who where how ugh

UPDATE 4 (5:15): 301 words! woot/woot!! Crappiest ever but moving forward, moving forward. Almost there, another paragraph or two. I think I'll just cut this crappy scene short.

UPDATE 5 (5:55): 887 words and scene. Wow. It happened. It accomplished finally the things I expected. There was a twist at the end where I threw things for a loop. It shouldn't have much impact and I can take it out later. But current version will keep until revision. It will be easy to cut or change/lessen if nothing comes of it later. I'm still definitely in shock right now. I honestly did not think this scene would happen today.

Anyway, I am now at 450 words/night.

Goal today: 464 words. UPDATE: 890 new words

It's hard to show up again. There is so much I'd rather be doing right now (I would rather be watching Once upon a time on hulu) but I'm here. I'm here for two hours.

I'm going to pull myself through this next scene and just try to keep from pulling out all my hair. I absolutely do not care how it sounds (the quality). I just need to make it to the other side so that I can move on to the next scene. I will figure out what to do with it and whether it's worth keeping later.

Time to start, time to move on. Perfect has no place here.

I need 464 words by 6pm. I know I can do this.

UPDATE (4:24): I don't want to do this. don't want to start this scene. don't want to write an incorrect sentence. don't want to move toward the abyss/black hole.
Just get it over with.

UPDATE 2 (5:56): 890 words for the scene. The scene found itself. It was different than I expected but ended up being fun. It's still sort of a transition to what I thought the scene would be about. But again, I don't care how long this book is so long as the story moves forward. And it's definitely, definitely moving in the right direction!!

Now after all that, my expected word count according to Write Track is now 457 each day. Not as much impact as I hoped but I suppose it makes sense. (I really want to get it down to about 300 or so but that's not going to be as easy as I hoped). :D I love this program: http://nano.davidsgale.com (Write Track). It does all the math for me.

So it's 6:00 now. And I should really move on to other things. But I hate that I'm still not sure what it's about. I just know that this other group is bringing my two MCs into their plans. And I know how that definitely helps bring about some of the future plans so I'm further ahead than I thought I was. I think I even know the 3 things I need to accompplish. [Ok, I updated the next scene with notes for tomorrow. Note to self: I need to just wing it tomorrow. It will come together, just give it space and trust. There's no hurry; there's just the next scene and then the next.]

Total for tonight: 1668!

So excited. I definitely made my goal for tonight. And I am at the doorstep of the next scene, quite literally. While I don't know exactly what will happen in my next confrontation, I have a few hours to figure that out. [to be honest, I feel I might have cheated in the last scene. Someone didn't react the way they should but I think the reason I made up is kind of interesting and potentially terrifying if it came out right.]

Time to update WriteTrack... my daily goal is now 464 words/day until the end of March. I shall see how I can improve that tomorrow. :)

And yet another ceremony

I have a fun scene to write next. I probably need to figure out the transition of how she got there from last scene too but I might even wait until after "The End" to figure it out. Playing it loose today. :)

I am really excited that I met my goal yesterday. WriteTrack has my goal for today as 484 (as expected). Time to get started... (per typical, I'm sure there will be plenty of updates tonight).

UPDATE: So as usual, perfect has me by the throat "every word must be PERFECT" "whatever you do, do not write anything until you know whether it is the PERFECT way to get to The End." sigh. Just write. Revision happens only after I've written something down; revision will not work in my head.

UPDATE 2 (5:02pm): 876 words. The scene again is very rough and light on details but it's on paper- I can not stress the importance of that. Hurray for such incredible progress already! (another scene that's been planned for a year already is finally written out in only an hour).

On to my next scene...

UPDATE 3 (5:14pm): Ok, I'm back. So time to tink about my next scene. Again, I don't care about perfect, just going to get it out there in all its rough, crappy glory. kind of a different challenge, have no idea what should happen here. I'm assuming, in order for it to exist, it must be justified. Need some kind of conflict, things can not go smoothly. It'd be nice to learn a little something about someone. That too is important. Maybe hit an interesting piece of backstory. Well, nice thing is, I hit my word count goal for the day so I can finish this hour just struggling against the tide- I won't fall behind now.

UPDATE 4 (5:28pm): hah- perfect's getting a good stranglehold going again, just when I thought I had him whipped. Ok, time to get serious about this scene. It would be great to get this one on paper. It's okay if I don't know what should happen. I am going to write out the scene and just see what the characters say. Maybe something interesting will come up- this group has been known to gift me in that way before. :) and let's face it, this group is rife with enough natural strife that it should happen without any planning.

UPDATE 5 (6:12PM): 784 words in the next scene. I haven't even gotten into actually the scene. Instead it's been the transition part. But some interesting things happened. And it's not as terribly rough as the rest have been. And a couple of interesting things happened that I didn't expect but I like. Win/Win.

A good writing day

493 words- target met.

I'm going to take some time to rest my eyes and brain. I am firmly in the new section now. It is just as stressful as the last one but I am holding 'good enough' and 'let it go' firmly in my mind. I don't have time to dwell so much. Call it good and move along.

Time to put everything else away

I have set my timer for 2 hours (11:30). (I have Sun/Mon off, work Sats)

Hopefully I will not have any interruptions before then.
Time to focus on this scene. I've imagined much of it out but have not applied butt to seat to add sentences to the project. Time to do that.

Everything else I am thinking about, stressing and arguing about, can wait.

Time to move forward with the story, focus and see what magical words come out. The rest of the world can wait...

THE SCENE IS DUE TODAY [done in all it's half-assed glory] :)

Update: Sigh.. writing is hard, no, starting to write is hard. The first sentence is killer, death on a stick. I've tried, "it doesn't need to be perfect" or "start in the middle" but I am paralyzed by needing it to be perfect before I am allowed to start tapping out words. one word at a time, one word at a time. It doesn't need to be perfect, start in the middle of the scene and work my way backward and forward. Type about nonsense and see what happens.

Update 2: 365 no good, very bad, all new words. Woot. I couldn't be happier. And I can change the scene later. This is a placeholder only. Final count for scene: 406 words. Obviously this is very light on detail and character but the story has moved forward a timy step.

Now the next scene- ugh, right back at it. Previous scene was more of a sideways step forward- MC is still in the same place. She still has to get to the meeting in a way that makes sense and I am not sure what she should learn. but not much. and then she needs to get out of there. If anything comes of this scene, I think it will be the little bits she picks up. But nothing immediately big. Just useful for future scenes.

Update 3: needed to step away for a bit but i am back. I need to get myself out of this next scene and on to the next one before I can call it a day. I have been avoiding this yucky section for over a year. I need to move along to the fun stuff.

Update 4: Things are not going so well. I am so tired and I would rather be reading right now. I left my scene in a bad spot last time I attempted this one. And what's worse, I have no idea what's really supposed to happen, just general crap. So just like last scene, I am staring at the screen, not daring to put in the wrong thing or boring stuff. ENOUGH ALREADY. just write out the scene so you can move on to other things. I CAN CHANGE IT LATER- THAT'S WHAT REVISION IS FOR- HELLO!!!

Update 5: Wrapped it up and called it good. I am now at 478 words for the day, 10 short of what I need according to Write Track. But on the wonderful side, 2 scenes accomplished. It only took me a year and a half to get those words. geez. good enough people, good enough. And on to the next scene. I need to move firmly in to the next section before I can call it a day- 10 words left that are due today- life is good!!!

To read or not to read, that is the question...

I'd much rather be reading book 2 (song of fire and ice series) but I know I need to eat my vegetables first.

It's so sad that writing is equated to veges. But I'm addicted to stories and it's just so much easier to read [or watch, for that matter] someone else's hard work than to put in my own.

Ok I have all day to read the book. I just have to put in two hours of work to move my story forward one scene. That will more than cover my 500 words due today.

And it IS due.

I have to stop shirking the work, and the habit will get easier once I start doing it again. And I will finally be able to see the next scene in my head, which is SO much fun.

Writing a story iz not veges, iz movie director with ze unlimited special effects budget.

Now that's out of the way...

I updated Write Track's calendar. I can finish end of March at 484 words/day (assuming about 30,000 are left).

As usual, why do today what I can put off til tomorrow? I made my calendar start on the 30th.

Irrational fears...

Well, I didn't show up and I didn't show up. And I still haven't shown up.
As I contemplate sitting down in front of the computer screen, puzzling and struggling with "what happens next", I feel this claustrophobia set in. I feel the room's walls close in on my mind. I can see the blackness as I imagine sitting in front of the computer. I am paralyzed. It's a fear I don't understand.

A while ago I decided that I just want to reach the end. I look back at the first 3/4's and I find it's easy to think of different versions of the scenes, once they are written out. I just need to get the last quarter written out and then I can take a step back from the whole story. I can see it as a whole. I've been at this same section for over a year now. I should be long done by now.

I know it's irrational. It could be the biggest room with skylights and high ceilings but it's the space between me and the computer screen- it's a little box and getting smaller and there's so much heaviness.

I finished Game of Thrones last week. It's added to my special pile of 'I'm in awe' books. It's alongside Harry Potter, Dune, Octavia Butler books, The Belgariad, Ender's Game.

The worlds are so big, or the story is so fun, or the story/pace just doesn't stop.

There is something freeing about reading a book like that. I cannot aspire to give someone that experience. It somehow makes me breathe out with a sigh of relief- I don't need to worry about perfection anymore- it's been done. I can move on to just writing this story that I enjoy. I'd really just like to see how the rest of the story comes out.

And then I read another story that I had to force my way through. It gives me inspiration that I could give someone a better experience than that. And the piece I identify that I don't like, I can add to the growing list of things I won't do to my reader. In this case: if someone knows something and wants the protagonist to know it too, the character tells the protagonist. He doesn't leave obscure clues. (kind of like Dumbledore in all of Harry Potter (but mostly book 6 and 7) (or Lupis in book 3). But HP had so much fun going for it that I could get through it. This one was just terrible. It was a filler book. Instead of moving the plot along, it just got hung up in getting from one clue to the next. And I'd already figured out the big secret at the end of book 1 so that made it even harder to read filler book number 2.

Sigh.

I just wanted to write down what's been going through my head. Maybe if I get it out there, the claustrophobia will go away.

I know the next scene. What big bad terrible thing will happen if I don't get it quite right? What is the worst thing that can happen if I waste 2 hours staring at a blinking cursor?

Isn't it worth it to just get the scene out there and move on to the next one?

I know where I'm going. I know how the book ends. Obviously I don't need to worry about the story being too long anymore. If it's interesting, I will happily read 800 pages, so will other people. And once I can take a step back, I can cut out anything boring that remains because I have plenty of length to work with.