Goal Today: 658 words

Goal today: 658 words (hopefully I can double that and lower my goal back down a little bit).

Right now my story is at an awful place so I'm going to create a new page and just write going forward. I can figure out how to connect and cut later.

UPDATE (11:35): So I just spent a couple of hours surfing other people's writing blogs. I really need to realize that the publishing stuff/information about contracts and self pubbing, etc. That all happens AFTER the novel is finished. An interesting point I read was that it takes about 10-20 novels in your list to start making a decent living at self-pubbing. That's pretty cool. Finally a goal to shoot for. Yup - me who has worked on one novel for about 10 years now is thinking someday I might have 10 finished. Not looking realistic at this point. But still one more little inspiration to finish the stupid thing already.

UPDATE 2 (11:51): Ok, so here's the goal. This story is only for me and my sister. Nobody else will read it. I just need to make sure I'm enjoying it. It doesn't need to be perfect or even any good at all. It can be the most boring thing on the planet. UGH, ok. not really. But NO more pressure allowed. This is just for me right now. SO WRITE SOMETHING ALREADY. Or even just stare at the blinking cursor like a good little pretend writer.

Path to Freedom

I feel the need to repost this to keep it at the forefront in my mind.

*** Path to Freedom: ***
* Write the story in rough draft/skeletal format. Keep going until I reach the end. (Skeletal Draft) - Due Mar 31st (had to update my previous deadline)
* Brainstorm book 2/scene list
* Write book 2 in rough draft
* Brainstorm book 3/scene list
* Write book 3 in rough draft
* Revision A book 1 (First Draft)
* Revision A book 2
* Revision A book 3
* First Reader Critique book 1 (as in send it out for outsider opinion)
* Revision B book 1 (Second Draft)
* First Reader Critique book 2
* Revision B book 2
* First Reader Critique book 3
* Revision B book 3
* Gather First Reader Synthesis Critique
* Series Final Revision based on Series Synthesis Critique (Final Draft)
* Send out cover letter and partials, etc. (or self-pub)

Moving on...

ok, so now that the boring stuff is out of the way. Time to think about project.
I am now at 640 words a day!YIKES. What a change.

It's okay, I won't change my end date yet. I still have a whole month to write about 30 scenes. It's entirely possible.

I just need to psych myself up so that I'll actually show up.

IMAGINE- me a writer with a finished story. I'd love to have something to put on my bookcase. No I'd love to print it out and just read it all the way through. Got to get the rest of the scenes out of my head and onto the page.

I go to bed at 6/6:30 now. It's crazy. My eyelids are actually getting heavy and it's 5:42pm. LOL. Such a strange life I lead.

Things are working out

Today I am very excited- hyper really. Everything is working out.
I love my job. I go in before and workout at the company gym and then I get a free shower so I'm actually saving some money in the deal. yup. i like saving the pennies.

And we got our health insurance cards in the mail. Time to make a dentist appointment.

My husband has got our house all designed. He's going to start flipping homes and we're going to save up and build our dream house. It's going to be so pretty. I've seen it a million times in my mind and I can't wait to walk through the real live hallways. (That will be a ways down the road but we are moving closer)

My husband is taking his skills and his passion and turning that into his life's work. I really want to do that too. And geez, I still haven't finished the story. I'm back to not working on it. Time to move ahead. (Although I can't believe it's already 5:30pm. Honestly, I won't be able to work on my project until tomorrow.

And on the Lent note: no TV. 1 movie (which is kind of all right). And way too many complaints. My sister is doing pushups whenever she complains. That seems like a great idea.

Apparently... couldn't be more--

--famous that is.

It actually feels like I've been away for months/can't believe it's only been a week and a half. Write Track now has me at 606 words/day. Still doable, seems crazy that I'm not in worse shape.

My sister is giving up TV for Lent. Yesterday was her first day and she was really anxious and it was hard. Today, she said she feels at peace and she's making better decisions. She's not in a rush to be where she can have time to herself to watch tv.

Anyway, I'm giving up TV for Lent too. I missed the first day. (I was watching the last 2 episodes of Revenge and it was unthinkable that I shut it off with half an episode to go. But today, I think I'm capable of doing it. Especially, I feel inspired by her results. Also, I'm giving up book reading too. I don't want to fill my time with anything so I can be bored enough to write again.

I have an hour for lunch at work now and I really thought I would use the time to write and then have evenings to myself. But instead I play solitaire on my laptop and eat cookie and pretzels. Bad habit. Bad habit.

I'm not sure I will get any more productive at work though. I've been stressing too much. But maybe I can at least be productive at night again.

On the plus side, I used the gym at work on Mon, Tues and Weds. And I will be going in early tomorrow. (I just have to make sure to go to bed tonight at 6pm).

I guess I should talk about my story since that's what I'm here for.

It's stuck. In that sort of my world is self-destructing and I have no way out unless I tear up the whole thing and start again. I can't believe it. How did it happen? I blame a large part on the damn sub-plot I keep trying to force into the story. I just got to get rid of it. It's forcing me to shoehorn in all this lame stuff because I really want it in the story. I just need to skip all that crap all together. Later if it needs it I can add something logical back in. Or maybe I can use that plot device in the next story. It would actually make much more sense in book 2. And I will just figure out what to do with the scenes that are now messed up later, after the book is finished. Maybe I can just reduce it to hints and later people can be impressed by all my foreshadowing, completely unaware that it's because I wanted it earlier and wasn't smart enough to know how to do it.

This morning, this song was playing through my head "Thanks for the memories. Even though they weren't so good. They taste like you but sweeter." You know, I never really heard the lyrics before. I never would have thought to flip it around and make the memories actually taste sweeter rather than seem sweeter. Anyway it all fits in with being not smart. I am not smart. I am not a good writer. I am blah. Captainette Gabby Blah, that's Captain Blah to you.

Famous last words?

Time to put the rest behind me and move on to today's new words.
My goal today is 490 [!!!]. That's what I get for not showing up in awhile.

As will be the case for most of the end of the book, I have no idea what I'm going to do with this scene. I really need to cut this whole sub-plot out but not sure I won't eventually figure out how to make it work and the potential is really cool. gah.

New episode of Once Upon a Time available on Hulu (woot). I guess I know what my present to myself will be.

And as I said, I am now at 490 words each day. I have until at least 6pm to get those written. And 490 words is really not that many so I should be okay [famous last words].

UPDATE because I really don't want to show up/it's too hard: I agree to only work until 6pm. At which point, I may watch Once Upon a Time. So I need only focus until 6pm. BUT I MUST actually focus on the next scene. All the other stuff I'd rather do can wait until 6pm!!

UPDATE: Wow, could they be any more 'famous'? I have spent the hour surfing. Not good

5:18. I have about 40mins to get 500 words written.

UPDATE 3 (5:39): Nothing happening so far. Everything is a bit tedious right now and I don't really want to invest in the characters. Not feeling it. Don't want to feel it. I get that something is wrong. I should be interested in the story. Why don't I want to put the time and effort in right now? Why aren't I enjoying this part of the book? I still have my billion dollar special effects budget. I can do whatever I want. Nothing has to be perfect- this is just fun. What fun thing can I do to my MC next? I don't have to write the planned scene- it can be whatever I want that moves the story forward. It does not have to be perfect.

I am going to sit here until 7:30pm too. I can watch Hulu this weekend, after I've met my writing goals for an entire week.

UPDATE 4 (6:03): Tired. I'm going to bed. Tomorrow I will come back with renewed focus- it's a promise.

Internet troubles and some progress: 6988 out of 30,000 goal words

I've been having some internet trouble but really should have found time to post here anyway.

The scene from my last entry ended up at 1486 words.
I wrote the next mini-scene (it's kind of the end to the previous scene)- 488 words. The scene is really choppy but it's there now, on paper, where it can be edited and improved (instead of locked in my head). So that is really good, even if I really don't like the way it came out.

My current total is 6988 words. My total target is 30,000. This is just a rough guess of how much length is left in the story. I really don't care how much under or over 30,000 the end of the book is- I just want to finally reach it. :) (The other 87,000 or so words is in another project on another computer. I'm leaving them separate so I can treat this as a separate project and not go back to reread old crap or worry about that stuff. I don't need to think about the old stuff til later.)

Now that I'm caught up... can I just say again how much I hate my previous scene. yuck, yuck but it's there.

Also, I am reading Clash of Kings right now. I am not liking it. It is filled with boring. I thought the first book, he did a nice job of skipping the boring stuff, summing up what happened since we last were in that POV and then getting to the next conflict. Now we start at a boring point, experience every minute of it and flip to another person being boring.

I think he could have possibly skipped this book altogether.

And since I always try to break it down to use for my own stuff: just because something is technically [quote] happening [unquote] doesn't mean something is happening. You know? But how to know when it's interesting conflict and when it's just boring? I guess that's what first readers are for (once I smooth out all the stuff I already know is boring, obviously.

Goal Today: 473. Update- 2011 new words :)

During my lunch break, I wrote 538 words. I put those in Write Track as Friday's words.

Tonight at home, I wrote another 1473 words. A whole new scene although I have to finish it up tomorrow when I'm fresh again. It was a fun scene too and I love it when an idea pops into your head when you need it, and suddenly it's clear how things should go.

Write Track has me back at 454 words needed a day. phew, I like that much better.

Goal Today: 450 words. UPDATE- no new words

Woot/woot- it's like I'm seeing it for the first time. Only 450 words- great improvement. Pretty much, I can take about 10 words off my daily count every time I get about 800 words in. That's pretty cool.

I'm excited to be here today. (sounds like I'm giving a motivational speech) lol
Anyway I'm suddenly in a really good place to work on the story today.

Yesterday I left off in a good place. The MC was back home. The sticky ucky part is behind me. I have NO idea what to do with my next scene I just know I need to get my MC outcasted. Although I might have to change that based on yesterday's scene.

Hmmm, we'll see...

UPDATE 1 (6:02): I am back to being haunted by work. Got to put that behind me and move into story world. Focus on the scene I'm creating and the characters that inhabit them. Work is for tomorrow. I left it when I left my cubicle. It will be there again tomorrow. And I had a great idea for my Saturday work so time to move on. This is my time for story and creation and dreaming. That multi-million dollar special effects budget at my disposal. (Not that anything I'm writing uses special effects but still...)

What should happen, what should happen...

UPDATE 2: Strayed away and watched a movie instead... curses.

Goal today: 457 words. UPDATE: 887 words

Today I need to complete 457 words to stay on track.

I'm showing up late (I needed to cook) but I'm here. I'm here.

Let's see how quick I can get this next scene completed.

UPDATE (4:40): So, I'm not worried about perfection. I'm just going to start writing and let the characters say what they need to say, see what comes out. And after it's done I'll see what I have and what needs to change. Nothing is set in stone. This is just rough draft where I let whatever come out to be molded later.

UPDATE 2 (4:44): I suppose I should be more upfront about this. I'd rather be watching a movie right now, or hulu. I keep stopping myself from calling out to hubby "Hey, you want to watch a movie?" I know he would too. But I need to make sacrifices. Maybe next week once I get an hour lunch in the middle of the day- I could get my 500 words done there and come home and have the evening off? Although I know me, I'll definitely want to double up and write another 500 at night. So again, it's time to make sacrifices. To put the writing first. I will finish the story and the next one and then I will revise and publish and become a world famous author with millions of fans who devour my books and I'll never have to see the inside of a cubicle again.

yup, time to make that happen. Writing first. I can watch movies in August.

UPDATE 3 (5;02): so far, not so good. The nice thing is if I crap out today, it only adds 10 words to my daiily goal BUT not a good trend to start. Pretty soon it will be unmanageable. And right now, it's 457 words every single day. no days off. It's going to be very easy to get behind. So what's stopping me? I have no idea what to write. I don't know what the char wants and why he brought them all together. Well vague idea- he's bringing them on board- but what are there assignments? why what who where how ugh

UPDATE 4 (5:15): 301 words! woot/woot!! Crappiest ever but moving forward, moving forward. Almost there, another paragraph or two. I think I'll just cut this crappy scene short.

UPDATE 5 (5:55): 887 words and scene. Wow. It happened. It accomplished finally the things I expected. There was a twist at the end where I threw things for a loop. It shouldn't have much impact and I can take it out later. But current version will keep until revision. It will be easy to cut or change/lessen if nothing comes of it later. I'm still definitely in shock right now. I honestly did not think this scene would happen today.

Anyway, I am now at 450 words/night.

Goal today: 464 words. UPDATE: 890 new words

It's hard to show up again. There is so much I'd rather be doing right now (I would rather be watching Once upon a time on hulu) but I'm here. I'm here for two hours.

I'm going to pull myself through this next scene and just try to keep from pulling out all my hair. I absolutely do not care how it sounds (the quality). I just need to make it to the other side so that I can move on to the next scene. I will figure out what to do with it and whether it's worth keeping later.

Time to start, time to move on. Perfect has no place here.

I need 464 words by 6pm. I know I can do this.

UPDATE (4:24): I don't want to do this. don't want to start this scene. don't want to write an incorrect sentence. don't want to move toward the abyss/black hole.
Just get it over with.

UPDATE 2 (5:56): 890 words for the scene. The scene found itself. It was different than I expected but ended up being fun. It's still sort of a transition to what I thought the scene would be about. But again, I don't care how long this book is so long as the story moves forward. And it's definitely, definitely moving in the right direction!!

Now after all that, my expected word count according to Write Track is now 457 each day. Not as much impact as I hoped but I suppose it makes sense. (I really want to get it down to about 300 or so but that's not going to be as easy as I hoped). :D I love this program: http://nano.davidsgale.com (Write Track). It does all the math for me.

So it's 6:00 now. And I should really move on to other things. But I hate that I'm still not sure what it's about. I just know that this other group is bringing my two MCs into their plans. And I know how that definitely helps bring about some of the future plans so I'm further ahead than I thought I was. I think I even know the 3 things I need to accompplish. [Ok, I updated the next scene with notes for tomorrow. Note to self: I need to just wing it tomorrow. It will come together, just give it space and trust. There's no hurry; there's just the next scene and then the next.]