Friday, April 8, 2016

Really hard day today

I wish there was some way some one I could talk to about it.
It's been rough.

The rational part of me knew that your own family is/are the last ones to read your story. and they're the last ones that would be able to give you honest feedback anyway. But somehow i thought i was the exception. and I'm not.

they all have legitimate reasons for being busy. but it still breaks my heart.
that's what i wanted to say
it breaks my heart

nobody has borrowed or bought the story. the cover is kick ass. purchased from a real cover designer.
really striking picture.

the blurb and the look inside are the problem.

i said i knew it didn't have an audience. or that i would understand that it couldn't find one.
because it's so different.
but there was the hope too that maybe it would be that good kind of different.
but i would be okay with it, if it wasn't
except that no one, even my own family, will read it.

and it's hard to get past it. cause i loved the little story.

and the novel is giving me trouble still. at a scene i don't know whether to save or cut
my sister said she didn't want to read the scene because she didn't want to ruin it for when the book is finished and she can give me fresh perspective on the whole story.
and i tried to explain- it's so much harder to fix something when you're 150K in vs fixing 2500 words.
but she reminded me she doesn't want to be my beta reader and i'm like, in my head saying, okay, i don't need your help, i'm going to do this on my own.

i will succeed without any help. none at all.
and here i am.

cause it broke my heart.