momentum and the little story that could

and here is my obligatory stuck post. Bored, bored, bored. I have no interest in this particular point in the storyline. It's not exciting, nothing is blowing up. But maybe readers will like it? How does one know? Most writers say you can't really tell how interesting something is until you've written it out and let it sit for awhile. But the thought of spending any more time in this moment of the story is blah. I have no interest in these characters whatsoever. which means the reader has even less than me.

since this is for me, i'll just blah on some more. I love the idea of being a writer. My sister said she thought I was meant to do it. It's so nice to have someone in my corner cause sometimes you just really need the encouragement.

but my writing, it's so stalled. if i was doing it full time-and real life didn't interfere-and I could keep my momentum-would I still be stalled?? am i meant to do this? it's such a rollercoaster. when the writing is happening it is walking on clouds; when it is bad, is depths of despair and knowing that you have wasted all of your time and you aren't fooling anyone, most of all yourself. i know it. i dream it. how does a writer keep writng the next sentence when they know it's crap.

so funny that it was not so long ago when i felt like i was building up confidence that i would make it through to the other side of any difficult scene. but these past few days, i don't feel that certainty anymore. i've been in this valley so long and the dark tunnel of these scenes i don't want to write, they storm me in. AND I JUST WANT TO SKIP. and i don't know how.

it's worked so far to just keep writing. the scenes have found their identity and i have been well pleased with them. but the current scene that i have dwelled on in despair for so long, i haven't found the hook yet. and the more time i spent avoiding it and knowing it's there and procrastinating more just pulls me further down into doubt.

i just want to pull myself out of it. and recapture that knowledge that this scene has an identity too. why aren't i finding it? what's holding me back from figuring out who these characters are and why i care about them and why they're here. it's like i'm tired. so close to the end and i'm giving up. and it's so worth the struggle. I say again cause I don't think I heard me before: IT'S SO WORTH THE STRUGGLE.

I should try again. This scene deserves it's time on the page.